Intermezzo
by Trelaina123
Summary: Fluffy little sequel to "Reconstruction."  When the Star Force returns from its mission, will Mark Venture and Carina find happiness?  Complete as of 8/4/2010!
1. Chapter 1

_STAR BLAZERS, SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO,_ and all related names and elements are copyright by Voyager Entertainment and Leiji Matsumoto. _Star Blazers _is a registered trademark of Jupiter Films, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Huge shout-out to Annie and Eva, who gave me the courage to let strangers read my writing!

**Chapter 1**

**March 13, 2202**

After a nearly sleepless night, Carina decided to get up and go for a long walk. The fresh air would make her feel better, and maybe she would be able to clear her head. The Star Force had returned to Earth on Tuesday; today was Saturday, and she hadn't heard a word from Mark Venture. She was sure the crew had been busy, and he certainly wasn't under any obligation to call her, but she had allowed herself to expect that he would and now she was paying the price. _Sin of hubris_, she thought wryly, remembering her high school literature courses. She headed toward the longest trail around the park, telling herself to stop acting like a silly teenager. If she didn't hear from him this morning, she would call him herself this afternoon. There was nothing wrong with that… but she would wait until after lunch just in case. And if he didn't seem interested in talking to her, well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

He had contacted her once, about a week after the Argo had taken off. She hadn't expected it and was lounging with a book when he called, wearing a tank top and flannel pants, a loosely-tied black satin kimono covering her shoulders. She'd been so happy to hear from him that it had taken her several minutes to figure out that the reason he kept blushing and stammering was that her kimono was hanging open, exposing a scandalous amount of cleavage. The memory still made her grin – he was so easily flustered. After she'd wrapped the robe more tightly he had relaxed and looked her in the eye, and they had talked for the better part of an hour before one of the cadets, eager to call his family, had chased Mark from the communication room.

That had been the last time she'd spoken to Mark – about seven weeks ago. He hadn't told her what prompted the call, but in between funny stories of how green the new crew was and Wildstar's struggles in learning to be a captain, he had talked a little about how lucky Wildstar and Nova were to be so close. She'd gotten the impression that he was lonely and maybe feeling a little left out, with the two of them engaged to be married. It was always tough in a friendship when the dynamic changed, and he probably felt like a third wheel. He had promised to call her again, but the day after they spoke both Earth Defense and the Argo had received a message requesting assistance: planet Iscandar was in danger, and the Commander had ordered the Star Force to its rescue. Communication with Earth had been cut off, unless it was defense-related.

The Star Force had been unable to save either planet Iscandar or Queen Starsha, but the Argo had landed on Earth four days ago carrying Alex Wildstar and the child he had fathered with the alien queen. Carina hadn't been able to meet the ship since she had been on hospital duty, but she had helped Doctor Sane and Nova with the examination they gave baby Sasha. That was the first and last time she'd had any indication that the baby even existed – the girl hadn't been mentioned once in the press.

That first night, Carina had hoped for a call from Mark, but didn't worry when she didn't receive one. She had spent Wednesday and Thursday in nervous anticipation, enough so that the boys in the office teased her about it; by Friday she had been jumpy and irritable. She tried not to let her nerves affect her, but the knot in her stomach had been tightening all week. She jumped every time the phone rang or a message came through on her computer, and every time she was disappointed. It was true she had told him she didn't think they should rush into anything romantic when he came home, but they were friends and she'd thought he would contact her, at least.

* * *

By the time she reached the halfway point of her walk she had calmed down a bit, planned what she would say when she phoned Mark, and was even considering taking a nap when she got home before calling him. She drew a deep breath of fresh air and took in the day. The early-morning sun shone brightly between the still-barren trees, waking the critters that lived in the park, which chattered and chased each other through the woods. Carina thought back to this time last year; it seemed to her that there were a lot more small animals living here now than there had been then. She was smiling at the thought when she heard the sound of footsteps approaching from around the bend ahead of her: a jogger, out for an early morning run. Her heart leapt oddly, and she scolded herself – Mark wasn't likely to be up this early in the morning, and even if he was, he wouldn't be jogging in the park. Not in the mood to make nice with the approaching runner, she turned away and stooped to retie her shoe. The footsteps turned the corner and then stopped. "Carina?"

_It _is_ him_. "Mark… Hi!" The knot in her stomach tightened again. Her hand automatically reached to smooth her hair, which she had pulled into a sloppy ponytail this morning, and she smiled anxiously at him as she stood. He looked charming in a navy-blue EDF sweatshirt and cap, his own smile awkward as he started to reach toward her but then dropped his hand. "What are you –" they both began at once, then broke off.

"I didn't think you'd be up so early," he said after a pause, looking around. "Should you be out here alone?"

"It's fine – there are guards posted everywhere. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd get some air and try to relax." She could hear how quickly she was speaking – a sure sign that she was nervous.

"Oh. Well… which way are you going? I'll walk with you." He started to reach out again, but stopped himself.

"I don't want to interrupt your run."

"You're not interrupting." He chuckled, embarrassed. "Actually, I just came out here to kill time because I figured you were still asleep. I was going to call you when I got home."

"If you're sure…"

"Of course I'm sure. Come on," he said, taking a step back the way she had been headed. She hesitated another moment, then joined him. "I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner," he said. She started to tell him that he didn't owe her an explanation, but he interrupted her. "No, I meant to, really. But they had us in meetings all day every day, and by the time I got home all I wanted to do was sleep. And then last night I had dinner with the family – I thought about inviting you, but you know Mom would never have let it go if I'd brought you with me the first time I saw them after I came home." He stopped, rubbing the back of his head. "Am I talking a lot?"

It suddenly occurred to her that he was as nervous about seeing her as she was about seeing him. She felt the corners of her mouth twitch. "Kind of." She looked into his uncertain brown eyes and impulsively pulled him into a hug, warm and slightly damp from his run. She flushed with pleasure and relief when his arms wrapped around her without hesitation. If he had been strong when he left Earth in January, after two months of full health and active duty his arms and chest were even more muscular than she remembered. As her body began to react to his embrace, her words came out softly. "Welcome home, Commander."

"Thanks, Lieutenant. It's good to be back." He held her tightly for several more seconds before letting go, clearing his throat. "So, I was going to call to ask whether you want to have dinner with me tonight to catch up."

"Absolutely," she smiled. Feeling almost giddy with relief, she grabbed his arm and pulled him forward playfully. "Tell me about your trip! Did the cadets shape up as you went along?"

Nodding, he glanced around to confirm that no one would overhear their conversation. "I'll fill you in on the details later, but yeah, when push came to shove they pulled it together. I think Kitano has a bright future ahead of him, and Orion really proved himself once he stopped worrying about being compared to his father."

"And you're all right? You're happy?"

"I am. Thanks." He looked at her with a shy smile. "The mission was lonely, though. How are things with you?"

She ducked her head so he wouldn't see the blush that crept into her cheeks. "Also lonely. But it's been crazy busy, trying to get the automated fleet up and debugged. Thankfully it's just about there." She gave him a sidelong glance. "Are the rumors I'm hearing about you true?"

"About the command of the automated fleet?" He nodded. "It's going to be announced on Monday."

"That's great Mark!" Her heart swelled with pride as she beamed at him. "It shows how much they respect you. You know, everyone kept saying we needed to put the best pilot we have in that position."

A proud smile began to spread across his face, too, but he stifled it modestly. "It will be an interesting assignment, that's for sure. A lot better than flying transport." He raised his eyebrows. "And if there are any problems, I understand there's a cute redhead working the technical side of the project."

"That _is_ an important side benefit," she retorted, blushing again.

They were approaching the entrance to the barracks, where Carina was dismayed to see a number of photographers hovering outside the gates. They hadn't bothered her when she left this morning, but apparently Star Force members were hot commodities once again. Even though she and Mark were walking several feet apart, flashbulbs popped in their faces. Flashing their IDs, they ducked through the gates as quickly as possible.

Mark looked over his shoulder as he followed her toward her apartment block. "Carina, I was going to ask you to think about where you wanted to eat tonight, but it's likely to be another week before all of that settles down. We probably shouldn't go out."

Disappointment flooded her chest. "Oh… Yeah. That's OK. If you want to postpone –"

"What? No – I was going to suggest you come to my place tonight. It will be more private." He backtracked. "I mean… we can catch up without worrying about who might overhear us, and I can guarantee no photographers. Besides, you spent an awful lot of time feeding me when I was in the hospital – let me cook for you for once."

She looked at him dubiously. "Really? You can cook?"

"Hey, I'm Italian."

They had reached her building, and she faced him with a grin. "All right. I'll bring a bottle of wine, unless you'd prefer something else."

"Wine sounds perfect. Is 1800 OK?"

"1800." She nodded as he turned toward home and, after watching him for a few seconds, smiled to herself as she opened the door.

* * *

Promptly at 1800 hours, she crossed the street separating the female officers' barracks from the male officers' and made her way to Mark's apartment. It was a warm evening; she had pulled out a yellow silk wrap blouse with a floral pattern and a flowing black skirt, and she didn't need a jacket to walk across the base. She had also taken extra care with her hair and makeup; noticing that one or two of the younger officers followed her with their eyes as she walked by helped to calm the butterflies that were fluttering in her stomach despite the pleasant time she'd had with Mark this morning. Still, by the time she rang his doorbell, the butterflies had grown into bats. Their flapping slowed when she saw his warm but nervous smile as he opened the door, and she gave him a quick hug of greeting. He was wearing a cable-knit sweater and khakis – it was the first time she'd seen him in clothes that weren't issued by Earth Defense, and it wasn't lost on her how well the outfit suited him. The scent of garlic and tomatoes wafted toward her from the kitchen. "Mmmm." She inhaled deeply. "Smells wonderful."

"Thanks. I hope you like meatballs. They're kind of my specialty."

"Who doesn't love meatballs?" Noticing with a smile the way his eyes flickered over her when he thought she wasn't looking, she left her shoes by the door. She allowed her own eyes to wander over him as she followed him through the apartment, a mirror-image of her own, into the combination kitchen and dining area. The walls were the standard off-white color, but he had added a set of blue curtains with a matching tablecloth which she didn't remember seeing when she had been here in the past, before he was released from the hospital. Amused, she asked him, "Did you buy a tablecloth and curtains because I was coming over?"

"Maybe," he blushed. "I had to make my house presentable, didn't I?" He stirred the sauce and offered her the spoon for a taste.

It was delicious. "You made this from scratch, really?"

He nodded, passing her a corkscrew to open the wine. "I told you – I'm Italian."

She handed him a glass and they sat at the small table while they waited for the pasta to cook. "I'm dying to get your take on your mission," she said. "How is Alex Wildstar handling things? It must have been hard for him."

"Yes, it was. Starsha told him she would come back to Earth with him, but in the end she stayed behind on Iscandar. She destroyed her planet to defeat the enemy." Mark paused for a moment – he and Alex had something in common. He shook his head and went on. "I think Starsha would have allowed Alex to die with her, if it hadn't been for baby Sasha. She was the reason our return trip took so long. Dr. Sane was concerned about the effect warping might have on a baby, so we cruised home." His face softened when he talked about the baby. "You should see her – she's a beautiful little girl, and Alex absolutely dotes on her."

Carina felt a twinge of unease. Mark knew that she couldn't have children; it was the main reason she was reluctant to let their relationship progress beyond friendship. She gave him a weak smile. "I saw her at the hospital. She _is_ beautiful – I'm sure her daddy is smitten. But is there something… _odd_ about her? They're being very careful not to mention her to the press. I only know she exists because I was working a hospital shift when Dr. Sane examined her after you landed, and he asked me to assist him."

After a brief hesitation, Mark nodded and asked, "How old would you say she is?"

Carina shrugged at the odd question. "Two-and-a-half? Three?" Come to think of it, Dr. Sane hadn't mentioned the girl's age. And wait – how long had Alex Wildstar been on Iscandar?

He shook his head. "She was an infant when we took them aboard the Argo, Carina. It's an Iscandarian trait – they grow to adulthood in their first year, then age at the normal rate after that. It's… It was amazing, watching her grow on the trip back to Earth. I'm not sure what's going to happen to her now," he added. "I hope they don't let the Council get its hands on her."

"Oh, no. That would be…" She cringed at the thought of that sweet little girl being turned over to the vultures in the Council. "But the Commander is a good man, and he has the highest respect for Starsha and what she did for Earth. I'm sure he'll come up with a plan."

"I hope so." He glanced at the clock and stood to drain the pasta, passing her a loaf of fresh bread from the oven to slice. So far the evening had felt very… _domestic_, she thought, _comfortable_.

"You know," she teased, "Chris Eager is cooking for my friend Jenny tonight. I'll be comparing notes with her. But no pressure."

"Great," he muttered as they sat. "But good for Eager. I'm glad he's found someone." They said grace and began to eat. After the first bite, Carina closed her eyes and purred happily. "This is heavenly, Mark. Why didn't you tell me you had this hidden talent?"

"It's not much of a talent, I'm afraid," he said, although he looked pleased by the compliment. "This is about the extent of my culinary prowess. Other than this, it's basically toast and cereal for me. Maybe some grilled meat if I'm feeling inspired."

"Well, your mastery of the sauce makes up for what you lack in variety." Carina ate heartily and was soon feeling satisfied, relaxed and slightly bloated.

They moved to the living room area to sit and talk. Here, again, he hadn't done much decorating. The only items on the mantle were a tiny model of the Argo and two framed photographs: a family portrait that looked like it must have been taken right before he took off for Iscandar, and the picture of him with Trelaina that had been on the cover of the photo album Carina gave him for Christmas. A couple of extra pillows and blankets made the stiff beige cushions of the institutional couch a little more inviting. "Sit down – I picked up some pastries, too. I'll bring them in."

"Ugh – I don't think I could eat a thing right now, but maybe in a little while." Carina sat in one corner, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs as Mark put the half-empty bottle of wine on the coffee table in front of them. She picked up her glass, smiling at how easily they had resumed their friendship. She had worried that things would be awkward between them, but their conversation was free and easy and he was being a perfect gentleman. Which was good, because she was determined that they would remain friends and nothing more, at least for now. His obvious infatuation with baby Sasha strengthened her resolve in that matter. Mark was great with his younger brother, too, and Carina didn't want to be the woman who prevented him from fathering a child. They were at the age where the marriages of their peers, made in haste during the Gamilon war, were beginning to fail, and female infertility was the number one reason cited for divorce. She cared about Mark too much to do something that could potentially destroy their relationship and leave them bitter toward each other.

"These are not homemade, unfortunately," he said, setting a plate of beautifully decorated pastries on the coffee table and snapping her out of her reverie, "but the bakery assured me they were fresh."

"They look delicious," she said as he settled opposite her, leaning against the arm of the sofa with one foot on the floor and the other on the cushion, his knee bent. They sat in comfortable silence, sipping their wine, until she spoke again. "Tell me what happened after we talked that last night. The rumor going around HQ was that the distress call came in from Leader Desslok?"

He nodded. "It's true. Desslok had returned to Gamilon and found a group of aliens plundering its ore. There was a battle, and Gamilon was destroyed. Blown up. They finally finished the job we started." Mark ran a hand over his face, and Carina reached over to squeeze his foot. She knew the destruction of Gamilon was still an unhappy subject for the Star Force. Even though they'd had no real choice in the matter, they carried the heavy burden of knowing they'd destroyed a civilization. "Victory tastes like ashes," Wildstar had said to Nova at the time. It had become a popular phrase for the Star Force to use when describing what happened on the enemy planet.

Mark went on. "Gamilon and Iscandar were twin planets. When Gamilon exploded, Iscandar was thrown from its orbit. The planet itself began to warp through space, and that's when Desslok called for our help. Wildstar assured the Commander that we could trust him, and the Commander gave us the order to go to Iscandar. He saw it as a chance to repay Starsha for what she did for Earth.

"By the time we got there, the enemy that destroyed Gamilon had returned and wiped out most of Desslok's fleet. We decimated the enemy so that all that was left was their mother ship. We suffered some minor damage and a few casualties, but it was a pretty quick and painless battle for us. We were able to destroy the mother ship when Iscandar warped again.

"But then another giant enemy ship appeared out of nowhere – they called it Gorba, a 'mechanical planet' from something known as the Dark Empire. The Dark Empire needed the ore from Gamilon and Iscandar to provide energy for its war machines. We fought on Desslok's side, and in the end, he wanted us to use the Wave Motion Gun, which would have killed him as well as destroying Gorba. That was when Starsha stepped in. She said she would join us and leave Iscandar to the Dark Empire in order to stop the fighting, but instead she sent Alex and Sasha aboard the Argo and stayed behind, destroying Iscandar and the enemy." He paused again, tears in his eyes. Starsha was a heroine to all of Earth, but to the Star Force she was also a friend. "That was it. That's when we came home."

Carina had listened raptly to his story, as very few of the details had come down from HQ. "Do you think this 'Dark Empire' is a threat to Earth? We're not prepared to go to war again so soon."

"It's possible. We defeated them at Iscandar, but we know nothing about them. We don't know whether there are more of them out there, or whether destroying this 'Gorba' eliminated the threat." Mark sighed heavily. "Wildstar believes helping Desslok will work to our advantage, at least. He thinks we'll be able to call on Desslok at any time if we need help."

"But you're not so sure about Desslok." It wasn't a question – she could sense his discomfort.

He looked at her sharply, then chuckled and nudged her with his foot. "I can't hide anything from you, can I? I had almost forgotten what it was like to share a brain."

Shrugging, she squeezed his foot again, leaving her hand to rest on his ankle without thinking. "Disconcerting, isn't it?"

"A little," he grinned, and then his expression became more serious. "No, I'm not so sure about Desslok. I can accept that he's our ally, that he's on our side, although I still have a hard time with it. But that doesn't change the fact that he's responsible for hundreds of millions of deaths, does it? I have trouble seeing him as one of the Good Guys."

"I suspect a lot of people on Earth would agree with you."

His jaw was clenched. "I understand that it's important for us to stay on Desslok's good side. He could be a strong defender of Earth if we ever need him. But the way Wildstar interacts with him – it's as if they're old friends. To me he's still a fascist dictator. And he told Wildstar before we left that he's planning to rebuild his empire. That doesn't sound to me like he's interested in working for peace."

Carina considered what he said, running her fingers over his leg absently. "Have you told Wildstar how you feel?"

Mark sighed again. "We talked about it. I respect his ability to be diplomatic, and he says he understands my point of view. But I'm also worried about what it does to my military career. I honestly don't know if I could control myself if I were face to face with someone whose attitudes are so antithetical to mine. That could prevent me from being assigned my own ship."

After a pause, she said, "I'm not sure what to tell you – I'm not really the person to give advice on diplomacy. I don't always have much of a filter between my brain and my mouth."

Smiling gently at her, he sat up to reach for the wine bottle. She jerked her hand away when she realized it was still on his leg. Time to break that habit. "No need for advice, love," he said. "It feels good just to get it off my chest." She blushed at the endearment and adjusted her posture, curling her legs beside herself. After he topped off her glass he sat back with both legs on the sofa, his feet propped against hers, and she changed the subject.

"So is that what you want? To captain a ship? I guess I think of that as more the career path of a combat guy than a navigator." She didn't like the idea of him being permanently assigned to space duty.

"Well, probably not a battleship – I don't have the right instincts for that – and working on a transport ship is incredibly dull, but I would love to captain an exploratory expedition someday, if we're ever in that position. If not, I may try to find something a little more stable, like teaching." He looked at her for a long moment, and she felt the old spark between them flare to life. His voice was suddenly soft. "I guess it depends on where life takes me." _Don't get caught up in the moment_, she reminded herself, her heart pounding. She struggled to come up with a light, pithy reply, but was spared the necessity when he broke eye contact with her and reached for the plate of pastries on the table, clearing his throat. "But what about you? You've never had an extended space assignment, have you?"

"Only brief trips." She accepted a cookie gratefully. "My skills aren't really a match for a transport assignment, and it's almost unheard of for a woman to be assigned to a warship, or even to a base doing research and construction on another planet. I've never even experienced a space warp."

He laughed. "Don't lose any sleep over that. You get used to them, but your first few warps leave you with motion sickness to a factor of a thousand."

"So I hear. Anyway, I'm not really in a position to think about long-term goals right now." She paused. "I think I've mentioned to you that my father is starting to get forgetful. I ignored it when I went home at Christmastime – he's really not in bad shape – but my brothers have been calling me. I think they want me to step in and do something about Katie. No one is worried that Dad can't take care of himself, but they're concerned about her."

"But what do your brothers expect you to do? They're the ones living in the States. Can't they do something to help your father and your sister?"

Looking away from him, she sighed. "Well, Georgie's fiancée's parents are having health problems, too, and Richie's wife is pregnant and they can't take on any more responsibility. And anyway, I'm the oldest girl, so I'm expected to take care of it." She felt her irritation with her brothers rising. "I don't have a problem with helping my family – I love my father and my sister. The problem is that they want me to move back to the US and deal with it there. I could probably take a family medical discharge, or an extended leave, but why should I have to? My brothers think since I'm not married, I shouldn't have a problem with uprooting my life. But I like my life here. I like my job." She glanced at him. "And there are people here I care for. I don't want to leave."

Mark slid over and took her hand. "Couldn't you bring them here? You can keep your job with Earth Defense as a civilian contractor."

She nodded. "That's what I'd like to do, if it comes to that. It's just that the boys are starting to put pressure on me to come home. They don't get that this is my home now." She squeezed his hand and let it go. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to unburden myself on you."

"Hey, I've unburdened myself on you plenty of times. It's not fair to you, what they're asking you to do. You need to think about what's best for yourself as well as for your father and sister."

"Thanks. I appreciate the support." She grinned. "It feels good just to get it off my chest." Mark refilled their wine glasses again, and they sat back to discuss lighter subjects. Before Carina knew it, the clock chimed 2330. "I think I'd better get you home," Mark said regretfully.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You don't need to 'get me' anywhere, Mark. I think I can manage – it's only four blocks."

"Uh-uh." He shook his head as he stood. "I don't like this habit you have of wandering around by yourself. It's not as safe out there as you think it is. Especially in the middle of the night."

It was obvious that he wasn't going to let her go without him – he was already reaching for his pea coat. Well, his concern was touching. She would accept it without argument.

As he locked the door behind them, she leaned against the wall. "Thanks for having me over tonight, Mark. It was a lot of fun."

He took her arm and led her into the night, where the temperature had dropped considerably since she walked over earlier. "It was fun, wasn't it? I have to admit, Carina, I was a little nervous about seeing you. I was afraid it might be strange, meeting in the real world outside of the hospital."

"I know. I was worried we wouldn't have anything to say to each other." Happily, that fear had been unfounded. They walked in silence for a couple of blocks, until a strong gust of wind sent a shiver over her. She had been trying to ignore the cold, but the wind was bitter. "Wow, it's really gotten chilly."

He let go of her arm and took off his pea coat, draping it over her shoulders against her protests. She had to admit the warm coat felt wonderful – she pulled at the lapels to wrap it more tightly around herself. His scent was all over the fabric, and as she breathed it in a tidal wave of emotion washed over her. All of the feelings she'd held at bay since he left in January came rushing back, bringing tears to her eyes. _Oh, no_. _Hold it together_. She took a deep breath to calm down…

And sniffled gracelessly. He looked at her. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, her voice unsteady. She cleared her throat to cover it, but he wasn't fooled. He took her arm and turned her to face him.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" He looked so worried that she couldn't help smiling. She put her hand on his cheek.

"No, sweetie, of course not. It's just that…" This was one of those times when she didn't know how to filter what she wanted to say. "It just struck me how much I've missed you. I'm so happy you're home, Mark."

She watched his expression change from concern to surprise; to happiness; and finally to something she couldn't define. Eyes darkening, he murmured, "I've missed you too, love. It was so good to spend time with you tonight." He stroked her cheek and took a step toward her. She held her breath, forgetting her misgivings, but at that moment a patrol robot that had been approaching them suddenly shone its light in their faces and asked them for identification. Carina was secretly relieved for the interruption as they jumped apart. After submitting to a retinal scan they moved on, his arm around her shoulders but the moment lost.

When they reached her building she relinquished his coat to him, straightening the collar after he slipped his arms into the sleeves. She slid her hands down the lapels and said softly, "Thanks for the escort, Commander."

The look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat. "Any time, Lieutenant." Running his hands down her arms, he spoke sternly. "I mean that – I don't like you being out there alone. If you need an exercise buddy when you go to the park, call me. If I'm not on duty, I'll go with you."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. You're going to Nova's for brunch tomorrow, right? Want to pick me up on the way?"

"Sure. I'll come by a little before noon."

She didn't want to let him go, but it was time. "Goodnight, Commander."

"Goodnight, Lieutenant." He hesitated another moment, then leaned in and kissed her forehead tenderly before letting go of her arms and turning toward home. She watched him for a few seconds as she had done this morning, sighing this time as she opened the door. This might not be so easy after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**March 14, 2202**

At 1145 on Sunday Mark knocked on Carina's door. Sandor was being shipped out within the next few days, and Nova had invited them over for a bon voyage meal. Carina was clipping her thick red hair back as she opened the door and stepped aside to let him enter. "Hi – come on in," she said. "I wasn't expecting you quite yet. I just have to finish pulling myself together and I'll be ready to go."

She looked pretty pulled-together already, he thought as he watched her cream-colored dress swirl around her hips, but women probably had different standards for themselves. He looked around her apartment curiously. It was a mirror-image of his own, but she had made more of an effort to personalize the space than he had. Colorful throw pillows and blankets brightened the drab furniture, and the walls were hung with family photos and scenic images of Earth from before the Gamilons had attacked. An electric piano against the wall held a vase filled with fresh flowers. The place definitely had a feminine touch. "Your apartment looks nice. I've never done anything with mine."

"Well, you haven't spent a lot of time there. Maybe now that you'll be stationed on Earth for a while you'll spruce it up a bit. You've already added those sharp curtains." She spoke from the bedroom. When the video phone chimed with an incoming call, she emerged and her eyes filled with concern. "That's my dad. It's 2130 hours over there. I wonder what's up."

"Do you want me to go in the other room?"

"No." She touched his arm nervously as she answered the call. "Stay here for a minute?" He nodded as the image came up, revealing a pretty but sad-looking young girl with dark hair, bouncing up and down on her toes. "Kate? Where's Dad? Is everything OK?"

"Cricket…" the girl sniffled, and Mark thought, _Cricket_? "Dad's fine – he's asleep. But I wanted to talk to you. I had such a bad day, Cricket. The girls from school are so mean." As Kate began to cry, Carina turned to Mark and quietly asked him to go to the kitchen and take the muffins she had made out of the oven. He was more than happy to comply – the last thing he wanted was to get involved with the social problems of a nine-year-old girl.

After a few minutes, he could hear that Katie had calmed down and cautiously stepped back into the living area. Carina extended a hand to him and he joined her. "Kate, listen," she was saying, "I have to go to my friend's house for brunch. But you have a vacation coming up soon, right? Maybe Dad would let you come out and visit me that week." The girl brightened at the suggestion, wiped the tears from her face and finally noticed Mark standing with her sister. Her eyes went wide. "Katie, this is my friend Mark," Carina said.

"Nice to meet you, Kate. Carina has told me a lot about you." He smiled at the girl, who was staring at him with her mouth open.

She nodded. "She talks about you all the time, too." Mark grinned at the look Carina gave her sister, who stammered, "I mean, it's nice to meet you," and then turned to Carina and mouthed, _"Well, you do!"_

"We really do have to go, Kate. But ask Dad if you can visit me during your vacation, OK? And don't worry about those mean girls. There's nothing wrong with you."

Mark nodded. "You tell those girls you have friends on the Star Force. If they won't leave you alone, we'll take care of them." He winked at the girl, and she giggled.

"I will," she said, looking at him shyly. "Cricket, I'll ask Dad if I can come see you."

"Well, don't wake him up. Ask him in the morning and call me tomorrow, all right?"

"OK. Goodnight, Cricket."

"Goodnight, Kate."

After she hung up, Mark raised an eyebrow at her. "Cricket?"

Carina sighed. "My brother Georgie was only about two-and-a-half years old when I was born, and he had a hard time saying 'Carina.' It came out more like 'Crinka,' and eventually it morphed into 'Cricket.' No one outside of my family calls me that. _No one_," she repeated with emphasis when she saw the look on his face.

"I like it," he teased. "I might not be able to help myself."

Glaring at him, she said, "If you call me that in front of _anyone_ else, I will have to kill you."

"I won't. I promise."

He followed her into the kitchen, where she picked up the basket of muffins, then out the door. "Your sister is sweet. It will be good for her to visit you on her vacation."

"Oh… Yeah." she replied. "Thank you for being so nice to her, by the way. She has a hard time sometimes. But I wasn't really thinking when I invited her out here. Her vacation is in early April, and with the automated fleet I don't think there's any way I can get time off. When she comes out in the summer, I have someone watch her while I'm at work, but she won't be available. I guess she can sleep during the day, and I can hang around with her at night. That will minimize the upset to her sleep schedule, at least."

"Yeah, or…" Mark thought for a minute. "My mother might be able to help you, a couple of days at least. I can ask her if she'd mind picking Katie up when Jordy gets out of school. We wanted them to meet, right? Jordy sometimes has problems with mean kids at school, too. It might do them both some good if they become friends."

"That's what everyone used to say about us, remember?" She smiled sweetly at him and his heart melted. "I wouldn't want to impose, but if you don't think she'd mind, that would be amazing, Mark."

"I'll ask her and let you know," he said, unable to resist the urge to run his hand over her back, gratified when she leaned into him briefly before stepping away. He was trying to think of something charming to say when they arrived at Nova's apartment. Nova opened the door right away, Wildstar at her heels.

"Hi, guys. Come on in. Sandor and Alex are already here," Nova said, kissing Mark's cheek and hugging Carina. Wildstar followed suit, shaking Mark's hand. "Carina, it's nice to see you again."

"You too, Captain Wildstar. Welcome home." She turned to Nova. "Sorry we're a little bit late. My sister called in a tizzy just before we were going to leave."

"Not a problem," Nova replied. "Is your sister –"

She was interrupted by the clatter of feet running across the floor and a high-pitched, excited voice. "Uncle Mark!" It was Sasha, looking older than she had even the last time Mark had seen her, less than a week ago. He scooped the small girl up and spun her around. "Hey, how's my girl?"

"Fine!" She squirmed out of his arms and grabbed his hand. "Come and see Daddy."

"OK, sweetheart," he said, throwing Carina a helpless look as he followed the blond head down the hall. Sasha pulled him into the living room where Sandor and Alex Wildstar were sitting, drinking cups of coffee.

"Daddy, Uncle Stephen, Uncle Mark is here," the girl announced before running back down the hall to join the women.

The two men stood to shake Mark's hand. "Venture, good to see you," Sandor said. "I hear through the grapevine that you have a new command. Congratulations."

"Thanks, Sandor. I'm only sorry you won't be here to give me technical advice." He turned to Alex. "Alex, how are you? Sasha is quite the little hostess."

"She's much more social than her father," Commodore Wildstar agreed. "After all the time I spent alone with Starsha on Iscandar, I'm finding Earth a little overwhelming."

"Come on, brother, isn't it good to be home?" Derek had entered, led by Sasha and followed by Nova and Carina.

"Sure it is, Derek, and it's wonderful to see Earth green again, but Iscandar was much quieter. Sasha's had an easier time this week than I have." He noticed Carina for the first time and straightened, returning her salute.

Nova spoke up. "Alex, this is Lieutenant Clark. Carina interned under Sandor when we were at the academy together."

"Welcome home, Commodore. I'm sure your adjustment will be easier when you've settled into a routine at HQ," Carina said. She turned to Sandor and gave him a quick hug, followed by a playful punch in the arm. "Stephen, you couldn't have called me? I swear, you Star Force men, leaving a girl hanging." Mark raised his eyebrows innocently at the look she gave him. When she stepped back beside him he whispered in her ear. "So you salute Alex Wildstar now, huh? I'm still waiting for you to show me that respect."

"Rise up a little higher in the ranks and you might get lucky, Space Jockey," she whispered back.

He chuckled and moved to put his arm around her shoulder, planning to tell her that "get lucky" might not be the phrase she was looking for, but when he saw Nova watching him he covered the move lamely by stretching and yawning instead. Nova arched an eyebrow at him – _Really? Do you think I couldn't see through _that_?_ – and announced that brunch was ready.

Mark found himself seated between Nova and Sandor. Carina was on Sandor's opposite side and immediately engaged him in conversation about the technical aspects of the automated fleet. Since Derek and Alex Wildstar were also head-to-head about something, he turned to Nova. "Where are you going to be stationed next, Nova? Are you going back to the hospital?"

She nodded. "I'll be splitting my time between the hospital and the Commander's office, actually."

"Really? That's quite an honor."

"I don't know about that – it will be mostly clerical work, I think, but at least it's a chance to show the brass what I'm capable of. Has Sandor told you where they're sending him?"

"No. I get the impression it's top secret."

"Yes, that's what I thought too. Maybe they're developing some new sort of weapon?"

"Maybe. Doesn't look like we'll get an answer out of him today, anyway." Sandor and Carina were deep in conversation.

Nova laughed. "No, you're right. Sandor has his technical soul mate there." She put her hand on Mark's arm and leaned over to him. "So how are things going?"

Mark didn't need to ask what she was referring to. "All right, I guess." He sighed. "We promised each other before I left that we wouldn't rush into anything, but we had dinner together last night, and after spending one evening with her, Nova, I'm right back where I was when we took off."

"Mark, you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel. I can almost guarantee you she feels the same way."

Sasha had been making her way around the table and chose that moment to climb on his lap and kiss his cheek. Mark kissed her head and gave her a bite of his eggs, noticing that Carina was watching him interact with the little girl, a guarded look on her face. When she squirmed off his lap and went to sit with Derek, he leaned closer to Nova so they could talk privately "It's not that simple. I wish it were, but there are other things to consider."

She looked at him doubtfully, but nodded. "If you say so. But don't put it off too long. You both deserve to be happy."

"Thanks, Nova." He suddenly felt tremendous affection for her. Nova had always been there for him, his advisor and friend, and he couldn't imagine life without her. He nudged her playfully now. "You're a fine one to talk about putting it off. We were almost all the way to Iscandar before you and Wildstar finally got together."

"That wasn't my fault, believe me," she laughed. "I tried, but Derek wasn't too quick on the uptake."

"Well, there were plenty of us who would have gladly stepped in if you'd given us half a chance."

"I know." She considered him and touched his arm again. "Mark, you know I love you with my whole heart, don't you? There's no one I love more, other than Derek. But you and I wouldn't have made a good couple."

"You're right about that, Nova," he said, covering her hand with his own. "We would have been happy enough for a while, but I think… When I met Trelaina I realized there should be something more to love than that. A sort of – a spark – that you and I never had. You have it with Wildstar, and I felt it with Trelaina, and…" His eyes drifted to Carina, who was now holding Sasha in her lap. It looked like Sandor was reprimanding the little girl. Mark redirected his attention to Nova. "I'm glad we never tried it, Nova. If we had, it wouldn't have worked and I don't think we'd be as close as we are now. I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything."

"Thank you, Mark." She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, her hands on his face. When he got over his initial surprise, he realized that kissing her made him feel… Nothing. It was like kissing a sister. It was anticlimactic, after all the times he'd fantasized about it, but it was also a relief. He could finally let go of the guilty feelings he'd carried around, as though he were betraying Wildstar, or Trelaina. Or... His eyes flickered over to Carina once more. She wasn't looking his way, but the expression on her face made it clear that she had seen what just happened. He would talk to her about it later.

Wildstar had apparently seen it, too. "Hey," he said with mock anger, "what was that about?"

Nova tossed her head at him. "That's between me and Mark. If you were paying more attention to me, it wouldn't have happened."

Grinning and stretching elaborately, dropping his arm over Nova's shoulder, Mark added, "That's right, buddy. You snooze, you lose." The others laughed –watching Carina, Mark thought she might be a little less enthusiastic than the rest. The comment broke the ice and the friends began talking across the table instead of to their seating partners. Derek spoke first.

"So Sandor, are you going to tell us where they're shipping you off to? There are rumors flying around, but no one seems to know for sure."

Sandor shook his head. "I can tell you I'll be working on improving warp functionality, but that's all I can tell you. The specifics of the location are being kept secret even from me. I suspect they're worried that the assistance we gave Leader Desslok may come back to bite us. They want to keep our weapon and fleet development as hush-hush as possible."

Mark was startled. "Does the Council expect an attack? Do they have intelligence that we don't?"

"I don't think so, but I think they'd rather be safe than sorry. That's why, I feel, they're rushing the release of your automated fleet, Venture."

Carina nodded. "I wish we had more time to work out the kinks before handing it over to you. There will have to be an extended training period while we continue running tests, as well. But since the battle at Saturn, we don't have the manpower to patrol Earth's immediate vicinity while the fleet is being debugged."

For the first time, Mark felt a twinge of doubt about his new command. "Is the fleet that buggy, Carina? I was under the impression that construction had gone smoothly."

"In theory, yes. But we know we'll find issues. Earth Defense still hasn't come up with a way to get around that funny radar blind spot directly to the rear of the ships – Stephen, I wish they would put you on _that_ project – and we've just finished working up the interface. With any luck we'll never need to put the fleet to use, or at least we'll have plenty of time to test and train before it's needed."

Mark nodded, but was left with a bit of an unsettled feeling in his stomach. Carina gave him a piercing look and changed the subject. "Commodore Wildstar, where are you staying?"

"Right now we're in VIP housing on the base," Alex replied, and Mark shot Carina a grateful smile. "But Commander Singleton tells me there's a small house nearly completed on an island owned by Earth Defense. He's going to let me stay there, at least until I've made the transition back to civilization." He looked at Derek. "I'm sure it will be nothing compared to the homes they're building for all of you."

Carina looked around. "What's this?"

"Didn't I tell you about that last night?" Mark asked, but she shook her head. _Oops_.

Nova rolled her eyes at him and took up the story. "Earth Defense has offered the survivors of the Comet Empire War special housing at no cost to us. The officers and bridge crew of the Argo will be the first to take advantage of it. The military has purchased a huge plot of land around a lake in the US, in Maine, I believe, and they're going to custom-build homes for us, for use either for vacations or year-round. It's really a very generous offer."

Sandor nodded. "This first group of houses will be for the Argo's bridge crew and Dr. Sane. The others will follow, probably in different locations around the world. They told us about it at one of our debriefing meetings last week."

"So they're going to build…" Carina did a quick calculation in her head. "Nine houses on this lake?"

"Eight," Nova corrected, laying her hand on Wildstar's. "Derek's and my plots will be combined."

"When are you getting married?" four voices asked in unison. Sasha, who had been starting to droop, perked up and giggled. She looked around for a likely lap to rest on, headed for Mark and climbed up. He gave the little girl a couple of pieces of fruit and let her snuggle against him.

"We're going to wait to get married until we're satisfied that the Earth is safe," Derek told them. "We want the fighting to be over before we settle into married life and start a family." Mark disagreed with this philosophy, but knew from experience that arguing the point would do no good. "Anyway, there will be our house; Venture's and Sandor's houses, of course; Yamazaki's and Doctor Sane's; and then Homer, Dash and Eager will have smaller plots."

Carina nodded, taking this in. Mark could see that she was watching the baby curled in his lap. He could guess what she was thinking about, and tried to redirect her thoughts. "Speaking of Eager, Carina tells me that he's got himself a girlfriend. Isn't that right?"

She met his eyes briefly and nodded. "It's true. My friend Jenny from the jazz band seems to really like him." She sounded a little reserved, he thought, although no one else seemed to notice. When Nova began questioning her about the couple she responded with a smile, but Mark still thought she seemed distracted. In fact, as the afternoon went on, she became more and more quiet. He tried to think of what might have upset her. Was it when Nova kissed him, or did it have something to do with the baby? He would try to find out when they were alone together again.

After a couple of hours, Sandor stood, announcing that he had to finish packing and preparations, since he was shipping out in the morning. Alex Wildstar also had some things to take care of, and asked Derek to come along and help him. When Carina offered to stay to help Nova clean up, Mark volunteered as well. Carina sidled over to him. "Do you really want to wash dishes, or is this part of your new plot to never let me walk anywhere by myself again?"

"Little bit of both," he said, patting her on the head condescendingly, relieved that she didn't seem to be upset with him. "Someone has to protect you from yourself."

She made an aggravated sound and carried a stack of plates into the kitchen. It took the three of them only a few minutes to load the dishwasher and wipe down the table and counters. "Thanks for inviting me, Nova," Carina said. "Brunch was great, and I'm glad I got to spend some time with Stephen before he ships out again. I'm sorry he won't be here when the fleet goes live."

"I'm glad you were able to come," Nova replied. "It was funny, wasn't it, watching Sandor interact with Sasha? I wouldn't have expected it, but he's great with her. I wonder if he'll ever settle down and get married."

Carina chuckled. "I think he's happily wed to that ship of yours. He could never devote himself to an actual woman the way he does to the Argo."

Mark chose to be more optimistic. "You never know. There could be an understanding woman out there who's willing to accept a flying mistress."

"I guess," Carina conceded. "Good luck to her, whoever she is. Nova, I've got to head home, but thanks again for arranging brunch, and for including me."

"Of course. You may not be a member of the Star Force, but you're one of us now," Nova said.

Mark smiled as the two women he loved the most hugged each other goodbye, then stepped in and kissed Nova's cheek, picking up the basket Carina had used to carry her muffins. "See you later, Nova."

"Right." She squeezed his hand as they left. "Don't forget what we talked about."

"I won't. Thanks." Carina gave him a questioning look as they started back toward her apartment, but when he didn't elaborate she looked away without comment. She still seemed a little off. He put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, are you OK?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"It's just that you're awfully quiet. You look a little – I don't know – preoccupied."

"Oh. No, I'm just tired." She gave him a weak smile. "I couldn't get to sleep last night, and I had to get up to play the early Mass at the hospital this morning. I guess all that good food left me sort of comatose." He squeezed her shoulder and let it go, not quite believing her but also speculating. He hadn't slept well last night, either – she had been on his mind after their evening together, and he had tossed and turned for hours, replaying the night in his mind. Was it wrong for him to hope she'd had the same problem? She spoke again. "Stephen's not the only one who's surprisingly good at handling Sasha. You're wonderful with kids, Mark."

So that _was_ it. He wasn't sure what to say – he hadn't figured this part out yet. "Carina, that doesn't mean—"

"Mark," she interrupted him, "I'm not fishing for… anything. Really, I'm not. I'm just making a comment."

He started to respond, but thought better of it and nodded at her instead. "You're good with them too, you know. Your sister obviously adores you, and so does Jordy." She smiled faintly, and Mark remembered something. "Hey, what was Sandor lecturing Sasha about while she was sitting on your lap? Looked like he was making her cry."

Carina paused. "You saw that, huh? Do you promise to keep this between us? I don't think Wildstar even knows about this."

"I promise. What's up?"

She hesitated another moment before telling him. "Apparently EDF's solution for keeping Sasha out of the public eye is to send her off to wherever Stephen is going. He's going to raise her this year, and then bring her back to Earth as an adult. When she climbed on my lap, she told me she was 'going to take a trip with Uncle Stephen tomorrow.' He was lecturing her for letting it slip."

"Wow." They reached her apartment while they were talking, and he followed her inside without thinking. He accepted her offer of a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table. "And Alex is OK with that?"

"I guess they all decided on it together – Alex, Stephen and the Commander. They'll be in constant contact, and Alex trusts Stephen. That's all I know, and like I said, I think it's pretty hush-hush."

"I won't say a word." She brought him a cup of coffee with plenty of cream, apologizing in advance for its quality since she wasn't used to making it. He took a sip and smiled. "It's fine, love. And anyway, after a few months on the Argo, anything is an improvement. Believe me, you couldn't possibly make worse coffee than Nova's."

She smiled as she sat opposite him, but fidgeted nervously with the cup of tea she had made for herself. "Mark… Can I ask you about something?"

"Of course. What is it?" He thought he already knew: the other thing that was bothering her.

"You and Nova." _Right_. "She told me… When we first met, she told me that you had romantic feelings for her at one time. She thought that was all over with when you met Trelaina, but I know how close the two of you are, and I guess – I guess I'm just curious."

She was blushing brightly. Mark reached across the table to take her hand. It was an awkward conversation, but it felt like a tentative step forward, as though she was trying to feel out their relationship. "Carina… I love Nova very much. I do. But it's… It's a different kind of love." The corner of her mouth twitched, and he knew she recognized that he was quoting from the talk she'd had with Jordy about their own relationship back when Mark was in the hospital. "That's what we were talking about this afternoon – how glad we are that we never tried to be anything more than friends. We weren't meant to be more than that. There's no… There's no _magic_ between us. That was confirmed for me once and for all when she kissed me today."

Carina wasn't ready to let it go yet. "So, if Wildstar was out of the picture…"

"That wouldn't change anything. Nova and I are friends, that's all. You have friends who are boys and friends who are girls, right? But you don't feel like you want to marry all the boys you're friends with, do you?"

Her smile finally reached her eyes. "OK, point taken. I can't believe you remember that entire stupid speech I gave your brother." It was obvious to him, though, that she was flattered that he did. He thought that was a good thing.

They sat for a few more minutes while he finished his coffee. "I'm feeling pretty heavy from that lunch. I think I'm going to go for a run. Want to come with me?"

She stood and picked up his mug. "Thanks, but I really don't feel that great. I'm going to lie down for a while." She _was_ pale, and her eyes looked tired and strained. He ran his hand gently across her forehead and cheek as she had done so many times to him. He thought she felt warm; he also noticed the way her eyes closed when his hand touched her face.

"Do you need anything? I can stop at the drugstore for you."

"No – I think I just need sleep. Thanks, though. Will I see you this week?"

"I'm not sure. Things could be hectic with the new assignment, but I'll call you when I can. Oh, and Jordy keeps asking me about you. Would you like to have dinner with my family next weekend?"

"Sure." She grinned. "I miss Jordy." They looked at each other awkwardly until she stepped forward and put her arms around him. "I'm sorry I'm being so weird today."

"Don't worry about it, love." He didn't care if she acted strangely, if it gave him the chance to hold her. When he had put his arm around Nova earlier, he had noticed how tiny she felt. Trelaina had also been so small, almost fragile, but Carina… It wasn't that she was fat – far from it – but there was something softer and rounder, more substantial, about her. The way she fit in his arms was so… _sensual_, he thought as his body began to stir, full of promise. He didn't want to let her go; the desire to run his hands over the curves of her hips was almost overwhelming, but he knew that would be a huge mistake. Instead, he traced his fingers up her spine to caress the back of her neck. At first she seemed to relax into him and he rested his cheek tentatively against the soft cloud of her hair, but after several seconds he felt her stiffen and dropped his hand again with a sigh, resigned. _Too soon._ She cupped his cheek and pulled back just enough to look him in the eye. "Thank you, Mark," she whispered. She looked nervous, like she was afraid he'd be angry with her. He struggled to come up with the right thing to say, something that would express what he was feeling but wouldn't scare her off.

"I love you, Cricket," he said finally, and she laughed shakily and backed away.

"It's so unfair that you don't have a ridiculous family nickname I can use," she babbled, steering him toward the door as though she wanted to get him out as quickly as possible. "I'll have to grill your mother for embarrassing information." She touched his cheek again as she opened the door, her voice unsteady. "I love you, too. See you soon?" He nodded and stepped outside, kissing her forehead as he left and promising to call.

* * *

Mark ran frustrated hands through his hair as he walked home. Magic? Yes, there was magic between them – so much that he was surprised he didn't go up in flames every time he touched her. If he didn't think she'd run away screaming, he would declare himself to her right now, but it was obvious that he had to be very cautious with her. He understood where her hesitation came from. In the short time he'd been back on Earth, he had opened his eyes to the undercurrent of hostility – most of it subtle, but some of it quite blatant – that was displayed toward women who were sterile. It had to be frightening to be in that position. And he _was_ good with kids, although that didn't matter nearly as much to him as she seemed to think it did. He didn't have strong feelings either way about raising a child, and he certainly didn't have a driving need to "spread his seed" and pass on his genes. His male ego wasn't that large.

Still, he thought, it was a potentially life-altering choice and it did bear consideration. He knew instinctively that this wasn't a girl he could make out with on the couch a few times and then back away from. If they took the next step, there would be no turning back. And if it went wrong, he didn't think they could be friends again for a long, long time. He wasn't willing to lose her friendship; he needed to be absolutely sure before he approached her, of her feelings as well as his own. In the meantime, a run would do him good, and there were always cold showers. Lots of cold showers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**March 15, 2202**

Sending Mark home on Sunday had been more difficult than Carina could have imagined, although she knew it was the right thing to do. She had sat in silence and thought for a long time after he left. It was obvious that he'd wanted to stay with her, and if she was being honest, she'd wanted him to stay as well. She had been on the brink of giving in when he had massaged her neck, but a sudden mental image of him holding baby Sasha had made her freeze. Carina refused to rob Mark of a family and have him resent her five or ten years down the line. She needed time to sort it all out, and so did he. She had lost the first great love she had known – she couldn't handle losing this one as well. If that meant holding him at arm's length to preserve their friendship, then so be it.

Finally giving in to her aching head and exhaustion, Carina went to bed early in the evening and slept heavily Sunday night. It hadn't registered in her conscious mind that she had acknowledged Mark as her "great love," but her subconscious picked up on it and provided her with very satisfying dreams, leaving her contented and hopeful about the future – albeit a little embarrassed – Monday morning. She walked into the office cheerfully, feeling more like herself than she had in a week, to find the boys in the coffee station eyeing her cautiously. She had been pretty testy with them last week when she was anxious about hearing from Mark – she should make it up to them. Smiling, she gave them her best "Old West" accent. "Mornin', fellers."

When they saw that she wasn't going to snap at them, they relaxed visibly. Their group leader, Jim, wiggled his thick eyebrows at her. "Saw your friend this weekend, didn't you?"

She looked at him innocently. "I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about."

"Hey, as long as you're happy, we're happy."

"I admit nothing." Still smiling, she took her mug from the cabinet and poured hot water over a teabag. "What are you slackers all standing around for? If the Colonel sees you, he'll have your necks."

Jim checked his watch. "He had an early meeting, but you're right. Get to work, ya mooks!"

The analysts filtered back to their desks, grumbling. A Russian corporal named Alexei hung back and turned back to Carina. "Clarkie," he said loudly, struggling as he always did to find the English words, "we had to wait to make sure you weren't still mad at us!"

"Come on!" Somehow, she could never manage to keep her voice down when she spoke to Alexei. "I was never mad at you guys!"

"OK," he laughed as he walked away.

Jim walked with her toward her office. "You _did_ have a good weekend."

"I spent time with some good friends who have been in space for a while, yes," she said non-committally. She herself was unsure what her relationship with Mark was; she certainly wasn't going to feed the rumor mill if she could help it.

"Well, whatever it was, I'm glad. And the guys are glad, too," he added with a grin. "They were quaking in their boots whenever you walked by the other day."

"Yeah, they probably deserved it," she said with a wave as he ducked into his office. Shortly after she settled in behind her own desk and began to read her messages, a call came through from Colonel Okajima asking her to come to his office right away. She wondered whether she had done something wrong, but nothing came to mind, and he had a relaxed, informal attitude when she closed his door and sat opposite him.

"Lt. Clark, I assume you've heard that a decision has been made on the command of the automated fleet."

She wasn't expecting this, but it made sense that it was what he wanted to talk to her about. "Yes, sir. Word on the street is that Commander Venture has been assigned the position."

The colonel chuckled. "'Word on the street?' You've been spending too much time with Jim Gilman. Yes, the 'word' is correct. Effective immediately, Mark Venture is the commander of the fleet." She nodded. "The reason I called you in here, Lieutenant, is that we've been requested to provide someone to train Cdr. Venture on the system in the short term, and to be available for ongoing technical support in the long term. You're the obvious choice for the role, if you're interested. The training will be scheduled around your hospital shifts."

Carina fought to keep a serious expression on her face. _If she was interested?_ "I would be honored to accept the position, sir." The words came out faster than she would have liked, and the colonel's mouth twitched.

"Lieutenant, I know I don't have to caution you to behave in a professional manner."

"No, sir. Of course not."

He nodded. "I would like to advise you, though, that this is an extremely high-profile project. The smallest step over the line – on-duty or off – could put your career at risk – or his."

Carina straightened uncomfortably in her seat. "Understood, sir. You have nothing to worry about."

"I'm not worried. We'll arrange a meeting this afternoon so the two of you can 'get to know each other.' Dismissed, Lieutenant." He saluted her as she rose.

As she opened his office door after returning the salute, he spoke again. "Lieutenant."

"Sir?"

"It's OK – you can thank me for this later if you want." His eyes were twinkling, and she couldn't suppress a grin.

"Thank you, Colonel. You won't regret it, I promise." She continued to smile as she returned to her office. Not only would she get to work with Mark, but the requirement to be on their best behavior bought the time they both needed to figure out what they were doing. The thought helped her to relax.

* * *

At 1400 hours, Carina and the colonel entered one of the new offices in the control tower. Mark was already there, along with Earth Defense Commander Singleton, whom they saluted. When he saw her, a surprised smile appeared on Mark's face.

It felt a little awkward to face him after the dreams she'd had last night. Still, her eyes danced at him while the colonel and the Commander talked quietly. Finally, Cdr. Singleton turned to them. "Cdr. Venture, Lt. Clark, I believe you've met before, have you not?" He knew that they had, of course. The commander was a reserved man, enough so that people sometimes underestimated him, but he was well aware of everything that transpired at Earth Defense Headquarters.

"Yes, sir," they both said, and Carina continued, "I was one of Cdr. Venture's nurses when he was in the hospital. I look forward to working with him professionally. How are you, Commander?"

"Fine, thank you, Lieutenant." Mark stepped forward and shook her hand. "I look forward to working with you, as well."

They grinned at each other until Singleton spoke again. Carina hastily dropped Mark's hand and turned to face the Commander, who was smiling behind his full grey moustache, amused by their faux introduction. He didn't call them on their pretense. "Lieutenant Clark, we're looking at three days' training per week – preferably Monday, Wednesday and Friday – for the first month or so, allowing you one day in your office and one shift at the hospital every week. After that, you'll only be needed for support. Is that satisfactory?"

"Of course, sir. Whatever you feel is necessary."

"Good. Thank you, Lieutenant. We'll leave the two of you to work out your schedule for this week, and perhaps you can get started with some of the basics."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Both Carina and Mark saluted as the senior officers exited the office. When the door was closed, Mark turned to her, grinning again. "Did you know about this?"

She shook her head, feeling a ridiculous grin on her own face as well. "I just found out this morning. Is this your office?" It was an impressive room, with solid wooden furniture, navigational charts and books lining the walls, and expansive windows overlooking the bay and, she supposed, the night sky.

"Yes. Apparently I'll have my own secretary by the end of the week, too." He nudged her. "I was afraid one of your 'boys' would be training me."

"You lucked out." She grinned at him for another few seconds, then bounced up and down on her toes and clapped her hands as Katie would. "Eeeee! This is going to be so great!"

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Did you just say 'Eeeee?'"

"I did. I squealed," she nodded, blushing.

Mark chuckled. "You're feeling a lot better today than you were yesterday," he said as he pushed a second chair behind his desk for her.

"Mmm. I was wiped out last night – I stayed in bed close to twelve hours. Sorry again for being so weird yesterday." As he stepped around her he rested his hand, rough and warm, on her neck, making her blush hotly at the memory of what that hand had done to her last night in her dreams. She'd better talk to him. "Mark," she said, pulling his hand away, "listen, I got 'the talk' from the colonel this morning. I was warned not to set one toenail over the line of professionalism. I think we need to be very careful."

"Oh," he said as he sat heavily in his chair. "The no touching rule is back?"

"For real this time. And I think, to be safe, we'd better not spend time alone in each other's apartments. According to Col. Okajima, this project is being watched pretty closely and the slightest appearance of impropriety could be bad news for both of us."

"Right. I get that." He sighed and leaned back, giving her a pathetic look. "How long is this exile going to last?"

_So adorable._

She pushed the thought away but couldn't help smiling. "How fast a learner are you? I figure once we're into the support phase, we can loosen the restrictions a little. Anyway, there's no reason we can't be together in public if you keep your hands to yourself." Not that it made much difference – a look from him raised her temperature almost as much as a touch did.

"I will if you will." He winked, and she felt her face get hot again. "Do you think it will still be OK for you to have dinner with my family on Saturday, though? Jordy asked me again last night and I sort of promised him."

"Awww, Jordy. Sure, let me clear it with the colonel, but I think that's fine. He's a suitable chaperone."

He frowned. "I believe you like my brother more than you like me."

"Please. I don't like anyone more than I like you, and you know it. But you have to admit, he's awfully cute." He gave her a strange look. Embarrassed, she swung her chair away from him. When would she learn to think before she spoke? "OK, let's get started here. I'm not prepared to do any training today, but you've got the software, so we can at least set up your account."

"Hey." His voice was soft. "I _didn't_ know that. But the feeling is mutual." She dropped her eyes for a moment, smiling, before returning to the task at hand. She could feel his eyes on her as she typed information into his computer. When he spoke again, he sounded unsure. "Carina, do you feel pretty confident about this fleet?" She paused, her hands over the keys. "Just between us," Mark continued. "I know you'll tell me the truth."

Carina measured her words. "I think… I think an automated fleet is a good idea, and I think it has a real purpose that it will serve, but to be honest, I'd feel a lot better if we had a manned defense fleet patrolling Earth as well. The robots manning the ships provide a level of accuracy, but they can only react to what they're programmed to react to. And there necessarily has to be lag time if the human commander has to tell the ships how to move. It's not like you're there, steering the helm in reaction to what you see in front of you."

"That's what I'm afraid of," he nodded. "It's fine to have patrol ships in the outer reaches of the solar system, but if an enemy were to break through that line of defense, how successful could we be with no manned defense between Earth and Mars? Our battle satellites weren't exactly effective against the Comet Empire. And there's a huge difference between flying a single ship and maneuvering an entire fleet. What if I'm not up to it?"

It was the first time she'd heard him express doubt about the command. She turned and looked him in the eye. "What are you talking about? You're the best navigator-pilot Earth Defense has ever seen. That's not just me talking – everyone says so." He closed his eyes and shook his head. It was so difficult not to reach out to take his hand or stroke his cheek as she went on. "Mark, we're bound to find bugs in the design of the ships. We'll probably find bugs in the system interface. Hopefully they'll be worked out before the ships are ever needed for defense – if they _are_ ever needed for defense, and I pray that they're not – but there may be things we won't catch until we get there. I'll admit that makes me nervous, but I'll tell you something: if it were anyone else sitting in that chair, I wouldn't be nervous. I'd be terrified." He looked at her; when he still didn't speak she gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "Sweetie, we're all behind you. Deep down, you know you're up to it."

He opened his mouth as if to say something, then changed his mind and set his jaw. "Yes. You're right – this is a job that needs to be done, and I'm the one to do it." He nodded, convincing himself, and grinned at her. "Thank you, Carina. Sometimes I guess I need to hear that I'm doing the right thing."

"You are. You're the one, Mark." She tilted her head, considering him, then turned back to his computer. "Come on – let's get started with your username and password. We can't let the Commander come back and find out we didn't do any work today."

"OK." He tore his eyes away from her. "Lead on, Cricket."

She smacked his arm before pulling his chair closer to the desk and getting to work.

* * *

He took her to dinner that night at the officers' club to celebrate their collaboration, walked with her in the morning on Tuesday, and took her out again on Wednesday. But she worked the midday shift at the Hospital on Thursday and he didn't see her at all, and by the end of the day Friday Mark was surprised by how much he missed talking to her. They had spent the day together in his office, sure, but there was a lot of work to do and he was working hard to keep his focus, trying not to chat about personal things. The fact that they were required to be on their best behavior helped them to get the work done, but it was also frustrating and ultimately unsatisfying at the end of the night when they parted with nothing more than a wave or a nod of the head.

He would see her tomorrow, anyway. Tonight was for the guys. Wildstar had completed the usual whirlwind PR tour this week before preparing to ship out Sunday on a six-week mission which was to be a combination routine patrol and informational trip, to inform the base commanders in the Solar System about the enemy they had encountered at Gamilon; he was spending Saturday with Nova, and tonight he, Mark and Alex were dining at the club, then going into town to meet Homer, Dash and Eager for a beer.

The Wildstar brothers entered his office shortly before 1800, just as Mark was wrapping up the report he was writing. Derek looked around and whistled appreciatively. "This is quite the cushy set-up you've got here, space jockey. Maybe I should give up space travel and become a pencil pusher."

"There's a little more to it than pushing pencils. I am living the good life, though, aren't I?"

Alex grinned at him. "I even heard they assigned the best looking girl from the secretarial pool to be your assistant."

"Chrissie?" Mark chortled. The girl was competent, and nice enough, he supposed, but she talked an awful lot without saying much. "She's beautiful to look at, all right, but there's a lot of air inside that pretty head. She and Carina don't seem to like each other much, either."

Derek and Alex looked at each other, and Derek smirked at Mark. "If Carina doesn't like her, that must mean she's gorgeous. Beautiful women fighting over you, Venture? You've come a long way from the Academy when you were afraid to talk to girls."

Embarrassed, Mark grabbed his coat and steered them toward the door. Wildstar knew exactly how to push his buttons. "No one's fighting over me. Chrissie is my employee and right now Carina and I are officially professional colleagues and nothing more. Come on, let's go."

They settled in at their table in the officers' club. "Alex, have you heard from Sandor?" Derek asked his brother. "I wonder how he's making out in his top-secret location."

Alex nodded. "I did speak to him. He's still not allowed to tell me where he is, but he seems to have settled in all right."

"And how is baby Sasha?" Mark spoke before he thought, and kicked himself mentally. Derek didn't know that Sandor had taken his niece into space. Alex looked uncomfortable for a second, but recovered quickly.

"She's fine – happy as she can be. Kids are adaptable, and she doesn't have any memory of the things that happened on Iscandar. She's in good hands," he added in response to Derek's question about who was taking care of the girl when Alex wasn't home. He faced Mark and changed the subject. "Your training is going well, Venture? I'm hearing positive reports about both you and Lieutenant Clark."

"Yeah – we've just gotten started, but so far, so good. We work well together." He smiled softly when he thought about her, then sighed and shook his head. Derek grinned at him.

"It's not so easy, is it, having to watch your every move?"

Mark groaned. "I don't know how you and Nova did it, Wildstar, working next to each other for so long without being allowed to touch each other. Carina and I aren't even together, and it's making me crazy after only a week."

"Why do you think I was always itching for a fight during the trip to Iscandar? It wasn't just because I wanted to defeat the Gamilons. And Nova and I are less demonstrative than the two of you – it's bound to be worse for you. You've got that hot Mediterranean blood." Wildstar laughed at the dirty look Mark gave him. "You need to find a way to blow off steam, Venture. Spend some time in the gym or at the firing range. Anyway, it's only a month, right? Then you'll be able to be with her."

"I guess so. There are some things we have to figure out, but the more I think about them, the more I think they don't matter."

"They _don't_ matter, Venture." Alex was looking at him seriously. "Believe me. The odds were certainly stacked against me and Starsha on Iscandar, but she and I had more happiness than you can imagine in the time we were together. If the two of you you love each other, you shouldn't let anything stand in your way. You don't know how long your chance will last."

Mark nodded. "Thank you, Alex. It helps, hearing that from you." He chuckled wryly. "It would help more if I knew for sure that she loves me."

"She loves you, Venture. Nova's sure of it, which makes me sure of it." Derek looked serious now as well. "Mark, we tease you, but you know we're happy for you, right? When Trelaina brought you back, it broke our hearts to think how unhappy you would be from losing her. But I've never seen you smile as much as you do when you're with Carina. We're glad you found each other."

"Thanks, guys." Mark was beginning to feel embarrassed. "OK, that's enough about me. Derek, what time are you shipping out on Sunday?"

"Ugh. Early – 0500. They wanted to get us out as early as possible…" Mark relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the evening, although his thoughts kept returning to what Derek and Alex had told him. He hoped they were right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**April 8, 2202**

On the Thursday before Easter, Carina prepared for her regular hospital shift. The weeks had passed quickly – Mark was as fast a learner as Carina had suspected he would be, and had easily picked up on the tricks of the fleet interface. She saw where his reputation for being serious-minded had come from: when Mark worked, he was all business and didn't allow anything to distract him. It was an admirable quality, one which had earned him the position of chief navigator when the Star Force was formed and had gained him the respect of the senior brass at EDF; it also meant that while their conversation was friendly enough when they were in the office, it was only when they left the office that she felt their usual intimacy.

But they did have plenty of time together outside of the office. True to his word, Mark joined her several times a week when she walked or ran in the park. He had also begun sparring with her in the EDFHQ training area, which helped to diffuse Carina's growing frustration with their "No Touching Rule." It was maddening, working beside him all day without being able to even reach out and take his hand or kiss his cheek at the end of the night, and more than once they'd had brief but heated arguments for no reason.

Making things worse was the secretary who had been assigned to Mark's office. Chrissie was competent enough, but she obviously had her eye on Mark, and she was less than friendly toward Carina. To top it off, with her long blonde hair and pale, narrow face, the girl bore enough of a resemblance to Trelaina to make Carina uneasy.

Not that Mark noticed – he always treated the girl professionally, but he rarely talked about her outside of the office. In her rational mind Carina didn't believe that he gave her a second thought at the end of the day. Still, her insecurities ran deeply enough for her to worry about the girl's effect on Mark. Chrissie made subtle comments about Carina and Mark's relationship when Carina was in the room, implying that Carina was getting much more out of it than Mark was – she could only imagine what the girl said when she wasn't there. Again, not that Mark noticed. When Carina brought the comments up to him, he never knew what she was talking about.

But the No Touching Rule had its benefits, too. Carina and Mark had been photographed together several times since they started working together, always with a respectable distance between them. Nothing appeared in the papers that would raise anyone's eyebrows, and the photographers were losing interest, making it easier for them to relax when they were out together.

Mark's mother, on the other hand, had not lost interest. Whenever she saw them, Maria Venture's eyes followed every interaction between Carina and her son closely. This much Mark did notice, and he was horrified by his mother's behavior. Carina, however, was amused by it and privately found the fact that Mrs. Venture was still clearly hoping for a match something between encouraging and disquieting. She was sure Mark had never told his family that she couldn't have children, and she wasn't certain how his mother would react.

Still, thinking about the Venture family made Carina smile. She had been to their home twice for dinner, and Mrs. Venture had even taken her shopping one day when Mark had been busy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so at ease with someone else's family. Daniel's parents lived in America and she had only met them twice, although she sent them a Christmas card every year; and Nova's mother could be overbearing, to say the least. Carina always felt awkward with Mrs. Forrester, as though the older woman thought she was odd. Mr. and Mrs. Venture, on the other hand, had accepted her with open arms and treated her like one of the family, despite the unasked question (_What exactly _is_ your relationship with our son?_) that always hovered between them. Carina supposed they were still thankful for the help she had given Mark while he was in the hospital, but she could also tell that they genuinely liked her. Jordy especially continued to treat Carina as though she could do no wrong. She looked forward to seeing them this weekend.

After today she would be off until Tuesday, but it wouldn't be a restful few days. She was handling the music for the Holy Week services in the hospital chapel, including one service Sunday morning; in addition, Katie was arriving on Saturday for her vacation and they had been invited to spend Easter at the Ventures' house. Mark's mother had graciously offered to babysit Kate during the week while Carina was at work, since Jordy was on vacation next week as well. All-in-all they were the very picture of domestic bliss, she thought, except for the part where she and Mark weren't allowed to admit their feelings for each other.

She was ready, finally, and surely he was too. Their conversations were frequently flirtatious, and when they talked seriously, the spark in his eyes while he looked at her made her melt. He had hinted several times that her infertility wasn't an issue for him, and she was prepared to believe it. The training phase of their work relationship would end soon; although they would have to play it down for a while, she believed it was time for them to move forward together.

These thoughts put a spring in her step as she reported for duty at the hospital. She smiled at Dr. Sane as she checked in at the nurses' station, but the serious look he gave her made her smile falter. "Carina, I want to talk to you before you get started here, OK?"

"Of course, Doctor." Carina shot a questioning look at Cindy, but the duty nurse shrugged at her. Following the doctor into his office, she closed the door. "What is it, Doc?"

"I wanted to catch you before you go on duty, to give you the story on our newest patient. She's going to be a tough one for you and I want you to be prepared."

"OK…" A knot formed in Carina's stomach. This could only be related to one thing.

"Her name is Jackie Davis. She's a corporal in the Communication group, a couple of years younger than you. Her sister called a friend to check on her when she wasn't answering her phone, and the friend found her unconscious. She had taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills."

She blinked. "Why, Doc?" She had a pretty good idea already.

The doctor sighed. "It seems Cpl. Davis' husband walked out on her because she can't provide him with a child. I'd like you to make an extra effort with her."

Carina felt sick. "Doc –"

"I know it will be difficult for you," he interrupted, "I wouldn't ask you to do it if it weren't important. We're getting the girl professional help, but I want you to let her know that you understand what she's going through. Just listen to her if she wants to talk to you. That's all I'm asking."

Carina nodded. "Of course, Doc. Whatever you say."

"Good. Thank you, Carina. I knew I could count on you." He studied her face for a minute. "And you listen to me. Just because this girl's husband was a bastard with no sense of honor doesn't mean all men are like that. You understand that, right?"

She hung her head. "Sure. I know." _But how can you tell before it's too late?_

Corporal Davis slept most of the day. When she awoke in the afternoon, Carina alerted the doctor, following him into the girl's room. "How are you feeling?"

The girl looked at Dr. Sane. "How do you think I'm feeling? Why didn't they just leave me alone?"

The doctor spoke softly as he looked in her eyes and ears. "I know it feels like it's not true now, but Corporal, you've got a lot to live for. We received worried phone calls today not only from your family and friends, but from your superior officers. There are a lot of people who love you, and you have a bright future ahead of you with Earth Defense."

Davis' eyes filled with tears. "Big deal. Do you know what I've always wanted more than a bright career, doctor? A stable home and a family. How can I ever have that? I'm faulty – I'm defective. Jason made that much absolutely clear." Doctor Sane looked to Carina for help. She took a deep breath, trying to squelch the knot in her stomach.

"Corporal Davis, I understand what you're feeling." Davis raised an eyebrow at her. "I do. I can't have children either. I've been in your position."

"You were married?" The girl was looking at her cautiously.

Carina shook her head. "No… I was engaged, and lost my fiancée to the radiation sickness. But I've spent my whole life dealing with the prejudice and hiding the truth from people. Corporal, you know that what your husband did is not your fault. It was a dishonorable act from a dishonorable man. You were married – you could have adopted a child. His ego got in the way." Mark wasn't like that. She was sure of that, wasn't she? "You'll find someone else someday. Someone who loves you for who you are."

Corporal Davis was crying. "Jason told me he loved me for who I am. He told me he would love me forever. I trusted him. I didn't hide the truth from him and he told me it didn't matter. But the names he called me – I never thought I'd hear things like that coming from his mouth. I don't think I'll ever trust another man."

The girl went on venting to Carina until the hospital psychologist came in to see her. "Thank you, Lieutenant," Dr. Sane said, dismissing Carina. "I'll speak to you later."

"Yes, sir." Carina checked in with Nova, who had arrived to work the evening shift.

"Are you OK?" Nova looked closely at her.

"Yeah. Just a bad day."

"Well, now you have a few days off. Maybe celebrating Easter will help you to relax. Plus you're spending the holiday with Mark and his family, right?" Nova raised a sly eyebrow at her and Carina sighed. Normally she was amused by Nova's interference in her and Mark's relationship, but now wasn't the time.

"Nova, it doesn't mean anything."

"Of course it does. You two are maddening, you know. There's no reason –"

"Nova. Drop it. You're starting to sound like your mother." That was hitting below the belt, but Carina didn't care. She would apologize later, and anyway, Nova had hit a sore spot.

After a pause, her friend nodded. "All right. Consider it dropped. I'll call you Saturday morning, OK?"

"Sure. See you later." Ignoring Nova's eyes as they followed her, Carina found her way to the empty hospital chapel. There were several hours before Holy Thursday services began; she sank into a pew and put her head down in a combination of prayer and thought. Corporal Davis had known her husband since they were in high school. He had known all along about her situation, and had promised her that it didn't matter to him. She had taken her marriage vows very seriously, and her husband told her that he did as well. After a few years, however, he had gotten frustrated and had walked out on her. Carina had only known Mark for six months. She trusted him and she felt like their relationship was something special, but how could she be sure? He would never break his vows, would he? Did she really know him as well as she thought she did? Tears stung her eyes.

After about 20 minutes, she heard the door to the chapel open. Familiar footsteps approached and a hand dropped to her shoulder. "Carina? What's wrong? You were supposed to meet me after your shift."

"Oh." She sniffled. "I'm sorry Mark – I guess I forgot. I had a rough day and came in here to think."

He nodded. "Nova told me you were upset. I thought I might find you here. What's the matter, love?"

She looked at him for a long moment. He would know if she was holding something back from him. That much she knew. She might as well tell him the truth. "They admitted a new patient today – a corporal, a few years younger than us. She tried to commit suicide when her husband walked out on her. He decided he didn't want to be married to a woman who is sterile."

It was all she needed to say. She could see in Mark's face that he understood exactly what she was feeling: her sympathy for the girl, her sadness, her fear. And he understood that the fear had more to do with him than with anything else. "Oh." He slid closer, putting his arm around her. "Honey, I'm so sorry. That must have been hard for you."

It was the first real physical contact they'd had since they had begun working together. Carina thought foolishly that she had been looking forward to it, but his touch now made her uneasy. She felt herself pulling back from him both physically and emotionally. "Mark, there are people around."

"I don't care," he said softly, pulling her closer. "My best friend needs a shoulder to cry on. Is General Stone going to demote me for sitting in the chapel comforting you?"

His kindness made her tears overflow, even as she steeled herself against her feelings for him. "Thanks, Mark."

They sat silently for a few minutes while she cried herself out. When he spoke again, his words sounded carefully measured. "Carina… A lot of men will say things, promise things, to get what they want from a woman. But not all men are like that. You know that not all men feel the way that girl's husband feels, don't you? What that guy did was dishonorable and wrong."

When she pulled back this time he let her go. "But what if it wasn't? She knew him for years before they got married. What if he went into his marriage with honorable intentions, but couldn't handle it as time went on? And anyway, how can you tell whether a man is honorable or whether he's just making empty promises?"

"I guess, if you love someone, you also have to decide to trust him." OK, that stung a little. He looked into her eyes. "As for the other part, I don't really know what to tell you. But if she's younger than us, and she knew him for years before they married, they must have been awfully young, weren't they? People who are older know their own minds better. No one should get married at eighteen."

She hung her head. "Carina, I know you feel for that girl. But she's not you. Her situation is not your situation. Don't identify too closely with her." He tipped her chin up and looked meaningfully at her.

How could she help but love this man? "Mark? Promise me we'll always be friends, no matter what."

"Of course we will. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you." He kissed her on the nose. "Now why don't you let me take you home? You need to eat something and get cleaned up before Mass tonight. Are you going to be OK?"

She nodded and he took her hand, pulling her from the pew into the aisle. As they walked toward the exit the door opened. They dropped each other's hands and stepped apart before seeing that it was Doctor Sane. "Carina, good. Nova said Venture thought you might be here." The doctor greeted Mark, who nodded back. "I want to thank you for talking to Corporal Davis. I know it was hard for you, but I figured she'd be more likely to open up if you were there. I also want to give you this." He handed her a pamphlet. "The staff psychologist, Dr. Nakamura, hosts a weekly support group for young women who can't have children. I'd like you to think about attending." She looked at the pamphlet blankly. "You don't need to decide now, but think about it. Now I'm heading home. I'll see you young folks next week. Enjoy your Easter."

The doctor walked out, leaving Mark and Carina looking after him.

* * *

Kate arrived on Saturday morning, full of excitement and ready for the week ahead. She was a welcome distraction for Carina, whose mind had been preoccupied since Thursday afternoon. Although she normally enjoyed Holy Thursday and Good Friday services, she hadn't been able to focus this year. It had been years since she'd felt doubt like this over her infertility; she was plagued by dreams of Mark deserting her, leaving her alone and devastated, and on Friday she had been less successful than she cared to admit in not taking it out on him. Fortunately, although she knew he was facing his own uncertainties, Mark was very patient and understanding with her, and Katie's presence cheered her and took her mind off things.

The girl knew they would be spending Easter with the Ventures and had been asking Carina for weeks to let her help make something to bring to their hosts' home. Carina had thought long and hard and had finally decided on a simple cake patterned to look like a bunny, which their mother had always made with her when she was young. Nova had loved the idea and asked if she could come over to watch in order to copy the pattern for her own family. "Kate, you remember my friend Nova, right?" Carina sold the idea to her sister. "You met her last summer. We're going to make a fancy cake to bring to Easter dinner tomorrow, and she's going to come over to see how we do it."

"Really? That sounds like so much fun! I remember her. She's really nice and pretty." Katie was fascinated by Carina's female friends, and Carina figured it was good for her to spend time with adult women, something which rarely happened when the girl was at home.

"Great. Let's get your stuff put away, then you can help me bake. She'll be here in a little while to help us decorate."

The three girls had a good time transforming the two round cake layers into a bunny wearing a bow tie, but by the time they finished, Kate's jet lag and her excitement over her trip combined to make her droop. Carina stroked her sister's hair. "Why don't you go take a nap, buddy? You can come to church with me tonight – it's the long one with the candles and the incense – or you can go tomorrow morning and sit with Mark. It's up to you."

Katie nodded. "I guess I'll go in the morning. I wanted to go tonight because I like the candle Mass, but I'm really tired."

"You'll feel better in the morning," Nova told her, and then turned to Carina. "Do you want me to stay with her while you're out?"

"Would you mind? She'll be fine, but just in case she needs anything."

Nova agreed, and the two women cleaned up while Katie had a sandwich. Carina helped her to bed in the spare room and washed and dressed for church before relaxing with Nova.

"So, what's going on with you this week?" Nova asked, eyeing her sharply. "You were so upset on Thursday, and you still don't quite seem like yourself. I saw Mark yesterday and he was unhappy, too. What's up? It has something to do with one of the patients, doesn't it?"

"What makes you think that?" Carina was startled.

Nova gave her a sympathetic smile. "Women's intuition. Doctor Sane came looking for you a little while after Venture did on Thursday. You can tell me, Carina. You know it's not good for you to hold it inside. Is it that new girl? Corporal Davis?" Her voice was soft, and Carina could see that she already suspected the truth. She sighed.

"Yeah, Nova, it is." Nova nodded, and Carina knew that she didn't need to explain further. "Nova, no one here knows about it except for Dr. Sane and Mark. Please don't tell anyone."

"I won't. But I wish you had told me. I'm your friend, Carina. I'm not going to judge you, certainly not for something like this."

"I know, and I didn't mean to shut you out, but you don't know what it's like. People look at you differently, treat you differently. They don't mean to, but it happens. It's better to keep it to yourself."

"OK, you're right. I'm not going to argue with you when I haven't been there. But tell me, is this the reason that you and Mark aren't together? Because that I _will_ argue with you. Carina, he loves you with all his heart. He doesn't care whether you carry his babies or not."

"I was ready to believe that until they brought Davis in. Now I don't know what to think. Her husband told her he didn't care, either." Carina looked squarely at her friend. "Nova, I don't want to put Mark in the position to have to make that choice five years down the line."

Nova shook her head. "Look, I don't know anything about Davis' husband, but Mark is one of my best friends. He won't put himself in the position to have to make that choice if he's not sure what his decision will be. Carina, I've seen Mark plenty of times when he's believed he was in love. You know he had feelings for me; he also had a crush on Starsha; and of course Trelaina…"

Carina smiled wryly. "You're not really helping, Nova, making me feel like the available-girl-of-the-moment."

"Sorry. But my point is that I've seen him when he believed he was in love, and I see him now. It's not the same thing. When he and I first met, before we got to know each other, he put me on a pedestal. His tone of voice even changed when he spoke to me. It was the same thing with the other two: he idealized them. Sure, he loved Trelaina, and she loved him, but they barely knew each other. You two have seen the best and worst of each other – you know each other inside and out." She took Carina's hand. "His love for you is different. It's real. You just have to trust me on that. And trust him."

"I'll try." Carina hung her head. It wasn't that she didn't trust Mark; the problem was that she couldn't see the future and it scared her. But maybe that was the same thing. Maybe she did need to trust him more. "Thank you, Nova. You've helped a lot, really." She looked at the clock. "I've got to head out. Thanks for staying with Katie – I'll see you in a few hours." She walked to the hospital chapel, her mind swimming.

* * *

After Mass on Sunday, Carina and Kate climbed into Mark's aircar so he could drive them to his parents' home. Carina had introduced the two when Mark picked them up for church, and they were now fast friends. She had always loved Easter, and talking to Nova last night had made her feel a little better. She smiled as she listened to her sister's chatter and Mark's responses. Katie was going on about the cake they were bringing to the Ventures.

"We made some pink coconut for the ears and some blue coconut for the tie, and Cricket let me make the face with the jelly beans."

"It looks great, Katie. Cricket knows talent when she sees it." He shot Carina a glance and she rolled her eyes at him with a smirk. She had gotten used to him calling her by her family nickname, but still he did it to tease her.

When they entered the Ventures' apartment, Jordy came running. "Carina!"

"Jor-dyyy!" She saluted him and then rubbed his hair as he flung his arms around her. "Come here and meet my sister. You guys are going to play together this week." Carina steered him toward Kate, who was carrying the cake carefully. "Katie, this is Mark's brother Jordy. Jordy, this is Kate."

The kids said hello and looked at each other for a moment, then Jordy said, "That's a neat cake."

That broke the ice. Kate thanked him and began to tell him how it was made, as Mr. and Mrs. Venture entered the hall from the kitchen. "Hello dear, good to see you," Maria Venture kissed Carina on the cheek. "And this must be Kate. What a beautiful cake!"

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you," Katie said shyly as Mrs. Venture took the cake from her and put it on the table.

"It's nice to meet you, too. I'm looking forward to having you visit with us this week. Jordy, why don't you show Katie your toys and games? Make sure we have some things that will entertain our guest."

"OK. Come on, I'll show you my room." The two headed off down the hall while the adults returned to the kitchen to finish dinner preparations. Mark and Carina helped as much as they could without getting in the way; when Mr. Venture began carving the ham, Mrs. Venture asked Carina to get the children. "They've been awfully quiet," she said. "I guess they hit it off."

Jordy's bedroom door was half-open, and Carina could hear that they were playing a game. Just before she knocked on the door, Katie spoke to Jordy. "My sister talks about your brother _all_ the time."

Mortified, Carina froze. "I know," Jordy answered. "They spend all their time together. They say they're not going to get married, but I know they are. He never thinks about anything else."

"Neither does she. She gets embarrassed when I ask her about it, but your brother is really nice. She loves him a lot."

"He loves her, too. He just won't tell her. It's so dumb!"

"I _know_!" The kids laughed and changed the subject. After a few seconds, figuring she was safe, Carina took a calming breath and knocked on the door.

"Hey guys, time to eat. Let's go!"

After dinner, the families went to the park, where Mark and Jordy beat Carina and Kate handily in a game of soccer. At the end of the day, Mark drove the sisters home, exhausted and happy. They stopped at Carina's door. She wanted to thank Mark – she had barely thought about her concerns all day.

"Kate, go on inside, OK? I'll be there in a minute."

Katie made doe eyes at Carina but went inside without comment. "Thanks for everything, Mark. Really. It was a wonderful holiday – your family made us feel so welcome. And it felt so good to relax and have a good time. See you on Tuesday?"

"First thing. Have fun with Katie tomorrow." He hesitated awkwardly. "Carina, have you decided whether you're going to go to that psychologist's group for the women who can't have children?"

The question caught her off-guard. "Uh… I guess I haven't decided yet, no. Why?"

Mark looked embarrassed. "I think it might not be a bad idea, that's all. It might be good for you to have someone to talk to. Help you work through everything so you feel better."

"Yeah," she sighed. "Maybe you're right. I'll give it a try." She wouldn't be comfortable hugging him, but she put her hand on his arm. "Good night, Mark. Thank you." He nodded and squeezed her hand, and she felt his eyes follow her as she went inside to her sister.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**May 12, 2202**

If Mark had reservations about suggesting that Carina join the hospital's support group, they did nothing to prepare him for how the group affected her. After her first couple of sessions, when she came away feeling worse than she had going in, he had encouraged her to give it a month to see if things improved, but nothing had changed. Sure, there was some discussion of dealing with the prejudices of the general public in day-to-day life, she told him, but as far as he could tell the sessions were mostly about man-bashing. Every Monday night she sat with the group for two hours; every Tuesday morning she met him for a walk with dark circles under her eyes, quiet and acting closed-off, bringing stories of the men who had broken the members' hearts. Mark could almost see the wall Carina built around herself during the sessions. He would spend the better part of the week chiseling away at it, only to find it rebuilt the next Tuesday. It was frustrating and emotionally exhausting, and although he always listened to her with sympathy and tried to be understanding, his patience was feeling the strain and they had been snapping at each other a lot for the last couple of weeks. It had been nearly a month now since she began attending the meetings – he could only hope she would agree with him that it was time for her to stop attending.

He tried to keep his personal business out of the office, but he knew he wasn't succeeding very well. He was concerned about Carina in addition to being frustrated, and his mood reflected it. His assistant Chrissie had called him on it more than once. She didn't know the particulars, of course, but she knew his moodiness had something to do with Carina, and she took every opportunity to comment on their relationship.

"Commander," she would say, "I don't get why you're putting yourself through this. Nothing is worth the effort you put into her, especially since you're obviously not getting anything in return." Mark was beginning to suspect that Carina was right when she told him the girl was interested in more from him than a job – he'd even he'd had to tell the girl to back off once or twice when she'd stepped over the line in digging at his friend. He shook his head at the thought of dating Chrissie. Even if he weren't in love with someone else, he wouldn't have the slightest interest in her. Still, her comments had become frequent and pointed enough that he was beginning to have a difficult time dismissing them.

Yesterday had been particularly tough. When he met Carina in the park, he could tell right away that she had barely slept Monday night. She had contributed very little to their conversation until the third time he asked her what had happened at Monday night's meeting, at which point she had recounted for him numerous stories of lying, cheating boyfriends, fiancées and husbands, which it seemed the women in the group had been collecting from their childless friends and relatives. When he took her hand to comfort her, she had actually jerked it away from him – something she had never done before – and turned away, refusing to look at him, making only short, curt responses when he tried to talk to her. He wanted to shake her, to make her understand that what those men did wasn't his fault, that he would never do that to her, but he wasn't sure how to go about it. She seemed to be more afraid of love now than she had been when they first met. He remembered what Chrissie had said when he had gotten to the office: "Commander, she's not good enough for you. She doesn't appreciate what you do for her. Why can't you see that?" He knew she was wrong, but the comment had stung, and it didn't make the current situation any easier for him.

He'd been so wound up all day yesterday that he stopped at the hospital this morning to talk to Dr. Sane. The doctor spoke matter-of-factly. "She's going through a lot right now, Venture. I believe she's testing you, although I'd be very surprised if she's even aware she's doing it. If she treats you badly and it drives you away, then she's proven to herself that her fear of losing you was well-founded."

"But it's not well-founded, Doc. She's everything to me. How do I prove that to her?"

"I think you need to be patient a while longer. Carina spent a lot of years convincing herself that her infertility didn't matter, that it didn't really affect her life. There's a reason only a handful of people know about it, you know – she's never wanted to have to deal with it. That girl in the hospital brought all of it, all the stuff she thought was buried pretty deep, back up to the surface."

Mark nodded. "I understand that. It's just so hard, Doc. And I don't think that 'support group' is so good for her, either. I agree she needs something, but listening to those women's horror stories about their love lives isn't doing anything to help her. Do you think she should stop going? See the psychologist individually instead, or maybe see somebody else?"

"Hmmm… You might be right. I'll talk to her about it." The doctor peered at Mark over the top of his glasses, his beady eyes weighing the situation. "You're a good man, Venture. When you were in the hospital, I told Carina I was glad she was there to look out for you. Well, now I'm glad you're here to look out for her. Give it a little more time before you get too worried. She'll get over this hump soon, and you'll be able to get on with your lives. And about time, too," he added with a wink.

Mark hoped so. They were scheduled to travel together for a few days next week, to begin training the air traffic controllers at EDF in Washington, DC on the automated fleet. He had been looking forward to it, but it would be an awkward trip if they were at each other's throats the entire time they were there. If she wasn't feeling better by this weekend, he decided, he'd ask the doctor for help.

She was coming this afternoon to work with him and young Pat Orion, who at Mark's recommendation was being trained as his assistant in the control tower. Orion was a quick and eager student and would be well-prepared to handle everything while Mark was away, but they still had quite a bit to go over. Mark was a little worried. He knew that Carina wouldn't let her mental state affect her work, but Orion lacked self-confidence, and any tension in the room would make him nervous. He would talk to her about it when she got here.

Shortly after lunch, Chrissie entered his office and closed the door. "Commander, Lieutenant Clark is here to see you. Should I send her in? She looks a little cranky."

Carina considered it a power play on Chrissie's part to get his formal approval before allowing her access to his office. Maybe she was right. At any rate, he was too tired and confused right now for games. He sighed and answered her testily – they had been over this more than once. "Private, you know Lieutenant Clark has free access to my office, unless you're instructed otherwise. Send her in, and don't refer to your superior officer as 'cranky.'"

"Yes, sir." The girl saluted and left his office with her eyes dancing. A moment later Carina entered.

"Hi," he said, eyeing her a little warily. She did look tired and stressed.

"Hi." She sank into a chair, trying to smile at him. "I swear, one of these days I'm going to tear a lock of that girl's hair out when she gives me that smug little smirk."

"Ignore it. Are you ready for this afternoon? Pat should be here soon."

"Sure. We shouldn't run too long today, right?"

Mark nodded and searched her face. "Will you be all right? Orion is still a little nervous, and I don't want him to be uncomfortable."

It was the wrong thing to say. She looked at him coldly. "I'm a professional, Mark, just like you are. I can manage to keep my hysterical female emotions in check for an afternoon."

_Oh, for…_ "I wasn't implying that you couldn't," he replied irritably, clenching his fists. "Carina, like it or not, I'm on your side."

She closed her eyes, her jaw jutting forward. "OK." When she didn't say more, he took a deep breath. He was about to respond further when his intercom buzzed, announcing Orion's arrival. Mark and Carina looked at each other for a moment before standing to greet him.

* * *

He had to give her credit. While they were working with Pat, Carina had been, if not cheerful or warm, at least friendly and always professional. They finished early, sent Orion back to his regular post and retreated to Mark's office, where they sat opposite each other at his conference table. "I think that went well," Mark said cautiously. He had sensed her tension rising again after Orion had left them, and could see on her face that it would take very little to send her over the edge. Being alone with him seemed to bring out the worst in her these days.

"Yeah, he'll be fine while we're away. He's a smart kid."

Mark nodded. "He's really come into his own." After a pause, he asked gingerly, "Do you want to do something tonight? Go somewhere and relax?"

She hesitated, then shook her head. "I don't think it would be a good idea, Mark."

"Come on, Carina. When was the last time we went out and had fun together? Three weeks ago?" Chrissie's digging comments had lodged in his mind. He put everything into this relationship and got nothing in return. Carina didn't notice or care about what he did for her. He tried to push the thoughts away, but he was so frustrated. "Carina, you need to get past this. I'm trying to be here for you – you know how hard I'm trying. Make an effort to give me a little something in return, will you?"

As the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I not _giving_ you enough right now?" She bit the question at him nastily. "Please, let me set aside my existential crisis and stroke your ego so you can have more fun."

He sat still for a moment before, with a surprising degree of calm, he got up, walked to the door of his office, opened it and told Chrissie she could go home for the day. There was a satisfied smirk on her face as she left; Mark would decide what to do about her later. He closed the door and turned back to Carina, concentrating on controlling his voice. "Look. I'm sorry that you're hurting. I am. But I have been busting my back for weeks trying to make you feel better, and you haven't even noticed. You haven't once given me as much as a 'thank you.' Open your eyes, Carina. You're not the only one who's hurting here."

"Who's asking you to try to make me feel better, Mark? You can't do it. You can't imagine what I feel like right now. You have a choice here. I don't. I'm the one who has to live with the fear and uncertainty every day."

"Carina, what happened to those girls is _not my fault._ You have to stop treating me like the enemy. I put my heart and soul out there for you every day, and I let you trample on them because I _don't_ have a choice here. I've _never_ had a choice where you're concerned. If you can't appreciate that, then I don't know what else to say."

He watched as the wall around her began to crack, as the emotion in her eyes changed from anger to anguish. But when a tear rolled down her cheek, her jaw crept forward stubbornly and her face became blank again. "I can't talk about this right now," she muttered, and practically ran from the room.

He called after her but didn't follow. Instead he sank into the chair behind his desk and buried his face in his hands. He could get through to her if she would just _listen_ to him. He knew he could. She had begun to hear what he was saying just now, he was sure of that, but as usual she had run away. Now she probably hated him, but at least he had gotten her attention. She had been so wrapped up in her own pain that she didn't realize he was equally unhappy. Was it wrong for him to want her to acknowledge his feelings, too? Didn't she know how much he loved her?

_Maybe not_, he realized with a jolt. She knew he loved her, sure, but did she know he was hopelessly in love with her? He'd always assumed so, and everyone else certainly seemed to know it, but he'd never actually told her. Maybe that was what he needed to do to get through to her – to pin her down and tell her how he felt, to let her know that she had no reason to be afraid. If he could get her to stop running, if he could force her to listen to him for five minutes, all of this wouldn't matter.

Resolved, he began to formulate a plan. He would apologize to her first, get their friendship back on an even keel, and then find a time and a place where she wouldn't be able to run from him. When she understood how he felt about her, they would be happy. Of course they would. There was no other possible outcome.

Feeling a little better, Mark decided to walk to the park before going home. Jordy was playing in a soccer match this afternoon – if he left now, he would be able to catch the second half of the game. Seeking out his mother on the sidelines, he put his hand on her back.

"Mark!" She exclaimed when she saw him. "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I got out of work early and decided to come by."

"Well, that's nice of you. Jordy will be thrilled."

He nodded and they stood in silence for a while, watching the children play. Mark was glad his mother didn't try to get him to talk – his fight with Carina was replaying itself in his mind and he needed to think about the best way to make amends with her. Mom didn't notice his silence – she was too distracted making faces at the baby held by the woman beside her. Mark glanced at them idly once or twice before a thought entered his mind and his stomach dropped. _The family_. "Mom," he said quietly, "can I ask you about something?"

She turned to him, smiling. "Sure. What is it, Mark?"

"Mom, what would you think…" He wasn't really sure how to approach the subject and paused awkwardly, organizing his thoughts. "I know you want grandchildren someday…" Trailing off, he took a breath and tried again. "Mom, how would you feel if I told you I had fallen in love with a girl who can't have children?"

She frowned at him for a moment, then smiled gently, understanding, and touched his arm. "Mark, is that why you and Carina always insist that you're just friends? Was Carina one of those girls who were affected by the radiation?"

He nodded sheepishly and spoke in a rush. "I love her, Mom, and I know she loves me, too. I'm going to tell her – I'm going to do whatever it takes to be with her. I hate to disappoint you, but I won't change my mind."

"Disappoint me? Mark, nothing you could tell me could disappoint me less." She turned him to face her and put her hands on his shoulders. "Listen to me. Six months ago, we thought we had lost you. Even after you woke up, it seemed like you would never smile again. That was the worst time of my life. But then someone made you smile again. Someone brought you back to us. Would I like grandchildren someday? Sure. But the only thing your father and I really want is for you to be happy. We've never seen you happier than you are when you're with Carina."

It was true. Despite the rough time they were having this month, Carina made him happier than he could ever remember being. Mark smiled faintly, and his mother released his shoulders to take his hand in both of hers.

"We can see how much you love her, and we can also see how much she loves you. That makes us love her like a daughter. Nothing would make us happier than to see the two of you together."

Mark breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Mom. Now all I have to do is get _her_ to understand how much I love her. She's afraid… But I won't ever hurt her." He looked at her earnestly.

"Of course you won't. Just be honest with her, and she'll understand. She loves you, Mark. Everything will work out."

Mark smiled again as his mother hugged him tightly before turning back to Jordy's game.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**May 13, 2202**

_How could I have been so selfish?_ Carina spent another night staring at the ceiling. Mark's words, while not exactly harsh, had been strong enough to snap her out of the self-absorbed fog she had been in. She had been using him. He was right. Sure, she was afraid and hurting right now, but Mark was, too. Of course he was. He had never done anything to hurt her. He had only tried to help her, and she had treated him horribly for the past month. Her best friend. _How could I have been so stupid?_

Until yesterday, she could have probably apologized and promised to behave better going forward, and that would have been the end of it. But now he probably hated her – she had behaved like a grade-A spoiled bitch. She wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to see her again. He had tried to call her several times Wednesday night, but she had been too ashamed to answer. She needed to pull herself together and figure out how to apologize before she could face him.

Thursday dawned grey and cloudy. When the first rays of light shone dimly through her window, she sighed and dragged herself out of bed, pulling her hair back and dressing sluggishly, searching for clean things to wear. It was going to be a rough day at the office – she couldn't stay home because the colonel was away on business, but at least his absence meant she could shut her door until someone requested her assistance.

The thought sustained her as she powered up her computer and stared out her office window at the drizzle that was beginning to come down outside. She jumped when she saw movement in the window's reflection – it was too early for anyone else to be here. Whirling around, she was surprised to see Mark standing in her doorway, his face partially obscured by a vase that contained an impossible number of wildflowers. When he saw her, he lowered the vase and made an attempt at a smile, his expression nervous. Carina's stomach lurched uncomfortably, but she tried to smile back. "Hi." It came out as a shaky whisper.

"I didn't think you'd be in yet." His voice was equally quiet, which she found somehow reassuring. After a few moments of awkward silence, he stepped forward and put the flowers on her desk. "I was hoping to surprise you when you got to work."

"They're beautiful. Thank you." Looking at the flowers gave her something to do other than stare at him. She fussed with them. "You shouldn't have brought me anything, Mark. I don't deserve it."

"I had to do something. I was way out of line, Carina. I'm so sorry. So sorry."

His voice, earnest and nervous, brought a lump to her throat. She faced him again, willing her eyes to stay dry. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Mark. I've been horrible. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I can." He began to reach toward her, then dropped his hand. "I know this isn't easy for you, Carina. Whatever you need – time, space, anything – take it. I promised you we'd always be friends, no matter what, and I'll be here whenever you're ready for me."

What _did_ she need? She needed his friendship, she knew that. But even though she was less afraid today, the idea of more than friendship from him still frightened her. She knew that, too. She was so relieved that he wasn't angry with her; still, she did need time to sort through the thoughts crowding her head.

"Give me a day or two? Let me figure it out for myself, then we'll talk, OK? I can't do it today."

He looked disappointed. "Sure. Call me if there's anything I can do."

"Thank you, Mark." She could tell he didn't want to go, but turned away from him. She had too much to think about – his presence was disconcerting.

When he was halfway to the door, he spoke again. "I'm going to request that a new secretary be assigned to my office. You were right about Chrissie. She's a troublemaker."

She met his eyes in the window and nodded. "That's probably a good idea."

As he exited, he turned to her one more time. "Carina—"

"Mark," she interrupted gently, her back still to him, "I'll talk to you later."

He hesitated another moment until he saw her reflection give his a faint smile. He returned it, nodded and left for his own office. When he had gone, Carina shut her door, collapsed into her chair and finally allowed herself to cry.

* * *

It never failed – the days on which she wanted to be left alone the most were the days when the boys needed the most help. Carina felt much better after seeing Mark, but all she wanted to do was sit and think, and she had very little time to do it during the day. She decided to go to the gym before heading home – she would be able to think and also work off some of the tension lingering in her muscles.

The marine working the security desk gave her a strange look when she walked in. She figured he either noticed her haggard appearance or noticed that she had come alone tonight – he had seen her here frequently enough when she was here with Mark. She didn't really care about his opinion on either subject, she thought as she changed and headed for the boxing ring.

Sparring with a robot "coach" was an exhausting workout that didn't require much thought. As she jabbed and blocked, Carina tried to sort out her emotions. She loved Mark – of course she did. She was beyond denying that. The bigger question was whether she trusted him. A month ago she had trusted him completely. What had changed?

She knew, of course. It was the support group she'd been attending. How could she listen to those young women speak week after week and not be affected? Her head was filled with their nightmarish stories. But they were just stories, right? Honestly, Mark had never given her any reason to doubt him in any capacity. She trusted him with her life. Did she trust him with her heart?

_Yes_, a voice coming from her heart told her. It might take a little time for her to let go of her fear enough for that trust to reach the right level – maybe it wouldn't happen tonight or tomorrow, but soon. Her first step toward happiness, she decided, would be to drop the support group. As long as she was regularly exposing herself to those terrible stories, she would never have peace of mind. After she did that, and her relationship with Mark got back to normal, she would allow herself to let go and love him the way he deserved. It was a frightening but thrilling prospect, and she felt a genuine smile cross her lips for the first time in weeks.

It was late when she finished showering and exited the locker room into the gym's entrance hall, and her mind was still crowded enough with thoughts that she didn't hear the door close and lock. When she approached the exit she was surprised to see the marine who had been at the security desk earlier. She walked past him with a muttered "Excuse me," but he grabbed her arm.

"Where you going? There's no one else here. Let's have a little party."

Fear rose in Carina's throat. "Let go of me. What do you think you're doing?"

"Come on. I've seen you around here. Had a fight with your boyfriend? I can make you feel better."

Trying to remember what her self-defense training had taught her to do in this situation, she struggled to wrench her arm away and raised her voice. "Let go of me! Now!" But the marine was huge and easily overpowered her, pinning her arms behind her back and pushing her against the wall so she hit her head hard. She saw stars but screamed for help.

He closed a brutal, crushing hand on her throat. "You don't want to do that. There's nobody around to hear you, anyway. You stayed late tonight." She could barely breathe and began to panic, her heart racing. He kept his hand on her throat and slammed her head against the wall again while his free hand tore open the front of her uniform shirt. She smelled the booze on his breath and felt his hand groping roughly at her belly and chest, but her head hurt and she didn't have the strength to fight him. Deciding it was probably smarter not to fight anyway, she let her arms go limp and closed her eyes, offering up a prayer of supplication as he slobbered on her face and neck, fumbling with her belt. She thought crazily that she was glad she'd worn pants today and not a skirt.

The marine's hand continued to squeeze her throat, making her breath come in jerky gasps. As she began to black out, a crashing sound registered vaguely in her brain. It was followed by an angry cry, and she felt the marine being pulled away from her, knocking her head against the cement once more as he pushed her to the wall. She opened her eyes to see what had happened.

Her vision was blurry, but her eyes were drawn to one thing. _Mark_. What was he doing here? They were fighting. He was fighting the marine and yelling something to… _Orion_. He was here, too. Carina pulled her legs into the fetal position and covered her face with her hands, blocking out the fight. Struggling to remain conscious, she pushed herself into the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible. She rocked back and forth, moving her hands to her ears to drown out the sound.

When a hand touched her knee she pushed herself back into the wall, whimpering in panic, but the hand moved gently to her shoulder. "Hey, hey, hey. Shhhh – it's me." A wave of relief washed over her as her eyes focused on Mark. She looked around wildly and spotted the marine where he lay on the floor behind Mark, out cold. "You don't have to worry about him," he said angrily. "He's not going to wake up any time soon. Orion should be on his way with the MPs." He put his hand on her cheek and spoke more gently. "Are you all right? Do you think you can stand?" She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Instead she nodded and reached for him to help her up. Her balance was shaky; she had to lean on him.

"That son of a bitch," Mark growled. "How badly did he hurt you?" She put her hand on her throat to tell him she couldn't speak. His eyes widened when he looked at her neck. "Oh – don't try to talk. I'll take you to the hospital as soon as the guards get here. Is your head all right?"

It hurt, and she was a little dizzy. She shook her head but took a step back, trying to stand alone. When she did, a blast of cool air reminded her that the front of her uniform was hanging open; she glanced down and blushed hotly at the realization that the one clean bra she'd been able to find that morning was also her one sexy bra. Mark's eyes followed hers; his cheeks turned pink, but to his credit he quickly pulled his eyes to her face and looked her in the eye. "Here." He took off his pea coat, slid the sleeves over her arms and zipped it for her.

Surrounded by his warmth, by his scent, she suddenly knew she was safe. It was over. Mark would protect her. She began shaking uncontrollably, tears filling her eyes; the next thing she knew, his arms were wrapped tightly around her, stroking her back as he whispered soothing sounds in her ear. "Shhhhh. It's all right – I'm here. You're safe now." She thought she had never felt anything as warm and comforting as his arms holding her while she cried into his shoulder, unaware that Orion had arrived with the MPs until Mark handed her over to him. "I need to talk to them, but I'll be right back. I promise."

Two of the MPs had handcuffed the marine and were taking him from the room. Orion stood with her awkwardly while Mark talked to the remaining guard, who followed him back to Carina's side a few seconds later. "The guard is going to take us to the hospital," Mark told her. "I'll give him a statement there while the doctor looks at you, and then you can talk to him. OK, honey?"

The endearment made her feel like a little girl and brought fresh tears to her eyes. She blinked them back and nodded at him, taking his arm for support. The guard led them outside to his aircar, where he phoned ahead to the hospital. Carina was relieved to hear Nova's voice come over the speaker from the ER. Mark squeezed her hand and leaned forward when the guard finished speaking. The guard started the car as Mark spoke. "Nova?"

"Mark? What are you doing there?"

"It's Carina, Nova. She's the one who was attacked. Is Doctor Sane there?"

"Oh, no! I think he's still here. If not, I'll call him in. Carina, are you all right?"

"She can't really talk. We'll be there in a minute – will you be able to see her?" He ran his hand up and down Carina's back soothingly.

"Of course. Come to the desk and ask for me."

Mark sat back and pulled her to his side, and she felt her mind drifting off.

The next thing she knew, she was seated on an examining table wearing a paper robe. Nova was giving her a quick once-over. "Your neck looks pretty bad and those lumps on your head are nothing to sneeze at, but you can breathe OK, huh? And you're not dizzy anymore?" Carina shook her head and watched as Nova moved to check her blood pressure. "I don't have to tell you how lucky you are that Mark went looking for you. I've never seen him as angry as he was when he brought you in here." It was true – as gently as he was handling Carina, Mark was still visibly furious with the marine who had attacked her. "Or as sweet as he was being with you," she added. "That man would do anything for you." Carina glared at her, but Nova was undeterred. "You know it's true."

Fortunately, Dr. Sane entered the examination room at that moment. He gave Carina a critical eye as he read Nova's notes. "From what I understand, you're a very lucky lady, Carina. Venture and Orion had stayed late to do some training. Venture spotted your car and went looking for you. If he hadn't already been so worried about you, he might have let it go."

Carina hung her head in shame. Mark was always looking out for her. She didn't deserve him.

The doctor looked in her eyes and down her throat, ran gentle fingers up and down her neck and checked the lumps on her head.

"You're going to have to stay in bed for a day or two, but I don't think there's been any permanent damage. These bruises on your neck are going to look pretty scary in the morning, and you'll have some redness and swelling on your chest as well. You don't have a concussion, but you should use an ice pack on those lumps on your head. I'm going to give you a sedative to help you sleep and an anti-inflammatory syrup for your throat that will allow you to talk, but you should try to keep that to a minimum as well. Understand?"

She nodded, and Doctor Sane wrote on a prescription pad. "Nova, run over to the pharmacy and pick these things up for me, will you?"

"Of course, doctor."

While she was gone, the doctor applied an antiseptic spray to Carina's scrapes, then left her to dress. She washed her face as well as she could in the examining room's small sink before opening the door for the doctor to come back in. He returned with Nova, who gave Carina a dose of the syrup the doctor had ordered for her throat. She wondered, not for the first time, why mankind could rebuild civilization over and over again but couldn't make a pleasant-tasting medicine. Still, the bitter liquid was effective. It began to work right away – she could actually feel the swelling in her throat receding.

Nova took her arm and led her to another room, where the MPs were waiting to talk to her. They passed Mark in the hall on his way to have Dr. Sane look at the injuries he'd sustained during the fight. Carina reached her hand out as they crossed; he squeezed it and gave her an encouraging nod.

The MPs' questions were brief. They had two witnesses to the attack and only needed her to fill in the details of how she had come to be alone with the marine. Satisfied for the moment, they let her go, reserving the right to talk to her again when she was feeling better.

Nova sat with her silently, holding her hand until the doctor finished examining Mark, who then took her arm and led her to his aircar, brought to the hospital by Orion. Nova followed, giving him the instructions for Carina's meds and promising to come by to check on her in the morning. After helping her into the car and climbing in opposite her, Mark reached across and took her hand. "I'll get you settled before I go home. If you need anything – anything at all – let me know, OK?"

There was something, although she hesitated to ask him for any sort of help after the argument they'd just had. "Mark," she croaked nervously, "do you think… Would it be OK if I stay in your spare room tonight?" He looked at her, surprised. "I don't want to be alone."

"Sure. Of course, honey. We'll stop at your place to get a change of clothes and then go, all right?" She nodded at him gratefully and sat back, relaxing. After a minute he turned to her again. "You know what? How about if I stay in your spare room instead? You'll sleep better if you're in your own bed."

It was what she'd really wanted; she hadn't dared to ask him, but she was grateful for the offer. Nodding shyly, she squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Mark." He packed an overnight bag and they returned to her apartment. Unsure of what she should do when they got there, she asked him if he wanted some tea. He probably hadn't had supper yet…

The offer made him smile. "Why don't you get ready for bed, and I'll find something for both of us to eat. You don't mind me poking around your kitchen, do you?"

She shook her head and retreated to her room, where she closed all her curtains and checked in the closet and under the bed before slipping into her pajamas. When Mark knocked on the door, she found him carrying a tray that held ice cream and chamomile tea. "I figured this would be easiest on your throat." Tears came to her eyes again – he was so kind and thoughtful, despite the way she'd been treating him, and he made her feel so safe. She sat on the bed with her back resting against a pillow, patting the mattress beside her to invite him to sit. He placed the tray on her lap, fed her the sedative provided by Dr. Sane and swung his legs up. She leaned toward him tentatively, wanting to tell him... There was so much to say, but she didn't know how. She ate a few spoonfuls of ice cream while she tried to think of how to thank him. Her head was already beginning to feel foggy from the pill. "So…" she began haltingly. "That marine… He was huge, but you knocked him out." Looking up at him, she smiled weakly. "Well done."

He put his arm around her. "I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life," he said grimly. "The filthy bastard is lucky I didn't kill him."

"Don't say that."

"I was torn apart when I saw him hurting you. I almost lost control." As he drew her close she snuggled against him and sighed. He made her feel so much better. Or maybe it was the sedative. Suddenly she was very tired.

"I'm sleepy." It came out much louder than she intended, and she sounded like she had a bad cold.

"I'm sure you are." Mark kissed the top of her head.

"I am. Plus my voice is weird." He gave her a squeeze. They hadn't sat together this way since he'd gotten back from Iscandar; it was nice. "This is the first time we've snuggled up together since you came home in March. I like it." She hadn't meant to say that out loud. "I'm saying everything I think."

"Must be some pill Doctor Sane gave you." He sounded amused.

"Mmm hmm. Do you need help finding anything in your room?" Her speech was becoming slurred.

"I think I can find the bed, thanks."

"Will you sit here until I fall asleep?"

"Of course, baby."

Once more her eyes filled with tears. "I love you, Mark. I'm so sorry I've been so awful. I'm sorry we had a fight." She thought of something else. "And I'm not going back to that support group again."

He was silent for a moment. "I'm glad. It wasn't good for you. I know you're sorry, honey. I'm sorry, too." He kissed her head again. "And I love you, too."

He didn't understand. She had to make him understand. Struggling to stay focused, she reached up to wind her fingers in his hair, looking in his eyes, inches away. "No – I mean it. I really –"

"Shhh." He silenced her by putting a gentle finger over her mouth. "Why don't we talk about this when you're feeling better? Your head's a little muddy right now."

His breath was warm, enticing; she wanted to talk about it now. She leaned into him, her hand sliding down over his chest. "Mark…"

He gripped her hand and pushed her back with a choked laugh. "You're killing me, Carina. But you'll thank me in the morning." When she dissolved into tears, his expression changed from touched and amused to confused and frightened. Pulling her back to his side, he stroked her hair comfortingly. It was getting harder to keep her eyes open as she tried to listen to what he was telling her. "Please don't cry. We'll talk soon, I promise. OK?"

"OK." She was disappointed, but she didn't have time to dwell on it as her eyes drifted closed.

* * *

Mark didn't sleep very well. After Carina had fallen asleep he had tucked her under the covers and taken their dishes back to the kitchen. He had retired to the guest bedroom and tried to read, but he couldn't focus. He turned on some music, which helped a little, but his brain wouldn't shut down. How was he supposed to sleep when the woman he loved was right on the other side of that wall, especially after her little display just now? Besides, every time he closed his eyes he saw that – that _animal_ – with his hands on her, and he became furious again. What would have happened if he hadn't checked on her?

The radio provided a degree of distraction, at least, so he left it playing as he tossed and turned. He fell into a fitful sleep sometime after midnight but jolted awake about an hour later – Carina was crying out in her sleep. Going to her might not be the best move, but he couldn't stand listening to her. With a sigh he climbed out of bed. He made his way into her room, where he saw that she was thrashing as well as crying in her sleep. Sitting beside her, he put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's OK. I'm here – I won't let him hurt you again." She seemed to calm when he spoke to her, so he swung his feet onto the bed and ran his hand up and down her arm, murmuring. "Shhhh. It's all right, love. He's gone."

She stopped crying and opened her eyes. She didn't look completely awake, but when she saw him she took his hand and smiled weakly, pulling him toward her. "Stay with me? Just for a little while?"

For a minute he just stared at her. He had no idea what he should do. She was under the influence of a heavy-duty sleeping pill and he had no intention of taking advantage of her, obviously, but it didn't seem she was going to make things easy for him. He should go back to his own room, but if she needed him… With a sigh he slid down and lay beside her, staying on top of the blankets. She rolled over so her back was to him, holding his hand. He kept his arm draped carefully over her waist and left as much space between them as he could. Now he definitely wouldn't sleep. This girl had him wrapped so tightly around her little finger… But, he admitted, he liked it. Besides, if the situation were reversed, he knew she would be right here beside him taking care of him. She was vulnerable, both from the attack and from the argument they'd had yesterday; now was the wrong time to bring up the subject, but as soon as they were past this he would clear the air with her once and for all, tell her how he felt. Maybe next week when they were in the US training them on the fleet…

Against all odds he found himself drifting off. He slept long enough to dream: he was alone in a bucolic area when he spotted Carina at a distance, wearing a light summer dress. She approached him with a soft smile. _"You saved my life, Mark."_

"_I would move the world for you. You know that."_

"_I know. And I want to thank you. I want to show you that I would move the world for you, too."_ As her arms slipped around his shoulders, he bent to kiss her. She kissed him back hungrily, her hands sliding down and under his shirt. He pulled her to the ground and rolled on top of her, his face buried in her neck, his hands exploring her body.

* * *

It took a moment for him to realize he was awake – his mouth was still nuzzled against her neck and the hand he had placed so carefully over her waist had slid up while he was dreaming and was now cupping her breast. She was so warm curled up against him, felt so good, _tasted_ so good… But after a few seconds his head cleared; he remembered where he was and pulled his hand away as though he was touching a hot stove. Of all the stupid… What had made him think curling up with her would be anything but a bad idea? He sat up and held his face in his hands, breathing deeply… And why was he stuck with this damned sense of honor, anyway? Here was the woman of his dreams, practically dragging him into her bed, and he was going to walk away. Carina stirred and reached for him, whimpering; he grabbed her hand and held it firmly down, bending over to kiss her forehead. "I'm going back to my own room, love. I'll be right there if you need me. See you in the morning." She protested more as he stood uncomfortably, but he knew she'd be in a deep sleep again by the time he got out the door.

He stopped in the bathroom on the way back to his room, turned the cold water on full-blast in the sink and stuck his head under the stream. It didn't completely solve his problem, but it helped. He glanced at the clock as he fell back into bed: 0354. Well, he had to be up in a couple of hours, anyway. If he stared at the ceiling until then, so be it.

* * *

He must have fallen asleep at some point; suddenly the rising sun was streaming through the window and the birds in the tree outside were singing. Mark groaned and turned to look at the clock. 0536. Might as well get up – he would make her breakfast before he went to work. He wanted to be sure she woke up all right, anyway.

First, a shower. Her linen closet was in the same spot as his, stocked with the same government-issue washcloths and towels. He grabbed what he needed, picked up his shaving kit and entered the bathroom. The image in the mirror was a little shocking: he had a black eye, a fat lip and a scratch across his neck. He sighed as he lathered his face to shave. Maybe cold compresses would bring down the swelling and make his injuries less obvious.

While he showered, Mark thought about what had happened with Carina last night. He knew the sedative had affected her, but he thought – he couldn't help hoping – that she had been expressing her true feelings. He thought again about the trip to the US they were scheduled to take next week. She couldn't run away from him there. She would have to listen to him, and then if she turned him down… he wouldn't think about that. He wouldn't allow it – wouldn't accept it this time unless she specifically told him she didn't care for him the way he cared for her, and he couldn't believe that was the case.

After he dressed, he turned on the tea kettle – she did love her tea – and looked around the kitchen. With her bruised windpipe, toast probably wasn't a good option for breakfast. Oatmeal was awfully bland… There were some eggs and cheese in the refrigerator – that was probably his best bet. Scrambled eggs would be soft, but they'd have some flavor.

By the time her tea was ready, it was nearly 0615. He would have to leave for work in about half an hour. He set a pan for the eggs on the stove to warm and carried the tea to her room along with a bag of ice for her head, knocking on the half-open door before he entered. She was awake, and as he walked in she slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, propping a pillow behind her back. She looked rough; her throat was badly bruised, she had dark circles under her eyes and there were several scrapes and bruises on her face and chest, but she managed a shy smile for him as her eyes flitted over the marks on his face. "Hi." It came out as a half-whisper, half-croak. He looked around and found the anti-inflammatory syrup the doctor had given her on her dresser.

"Don't try to talk without taking this first," he said. "You can't afford to damage that voice. It's your meal ticket." She smiled and nodded, mouthing a "thank you" as he handed her the medicine and the tea. He sat on the edge of the bed. "I'll bring you breakfast before I leave for work. Are you feeling all right?" She nodded again and looked in his eyes, her face full of gratitude and affection, plus something more that sent that familiar warmth coursing through him. Her hair had fallen into her face; he reached out to brush it back but she shrank away from his hand, her expression suddenly frightened. He stood up, confused. "I'm sorry, I – sorry. I'll be back with your breakfast," he said as he hurried from the room.

_What just happened?_ She had been fine, and then… Was she embarrassed by the way she had acted last night? He didn't think so – it seemed more like she was afraid of him. Surely she didn't think he was going to hurt her? He sighed. He shouldn't try to guess what was going through the mind of a woman the morning after she was assaulted. As he loaded scrambled eggs onto a plate and turned back to her room, he resolved to be patient and not take it personally. He wasn't going to open that can of worms again.

She looked a little guilty when he walked in and handed her the plate. He retreated to a safe distance, but she whispered, "Hey," and tapped the bed beside her, indicating that she wanted him to sit. He did, and she reached for his hand. "I'm sorry," she began, and although she was speaking softly, he could tell that she had taken a dose of her medicine while he was gone. Her voice no longer sounded raw. "I wasn't flinching from _you_. I was just…"

"It's OK, love. I understand."

"No, Mark, listen. I think I was in shock last night when you – when you saved me." She blushed and looked down for a second. "It hadn't really hit me what happened. And then when I took that sedative the doc gave me, that sort of held the fear at bay. But this morning, it's… I keep seeing that man coming at me, and there's no way to escape. Every time I close my eyes, he's there pawing at me." She had pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them; her voice had gotten very soft and she was trembling slightly, tears brimming in her eyes. "I don't think I can stand to be touched right now. By anyone. Is that OK?"

He felt his rage at the marine building again, but he didn't want to upset her. He kept his voice soft and even. "Of course it's OK, honey. Don't be ridiculous. I only wish there were some way for me to make you feel better."

"You do make me feel better. You always do." She took his hand again and looked at him intently. "Mark, I want you to know how much your help meant to me last night. My head may not have been clear, but I remember everything you did. I know you sat with me until I fell asleep; I know you didn't let me make a fool of myself when my mouth was running off from the drugs; I know you came in here in the middle of the night to hold me when I was having bad dreams." She put her free hand on top of his, blushing but still looking him in the eye. "I also know you went back to your own bed when things got a little… awkward… and you didn't have to do that." She began to cry. His heart thudded in his chest – it was so hard not to reach over and brush the tears from her face. "I hope you never feel like I take you for granted, or like I don't appreciate you. Because I do. So much. Maybe I've never told you…"

As she broke down completely he inched closer and pressed his lips to her palm. "Shhhh, love. I know. You don't have to say it. Let's forget all about that fight we had, OK? We've both apologized – it's over." He held her hand to his cheek and spoke gently but firmly. "Now you eat your breakfast before it gets cold and get some rest. Take another sedative. I wish I could stay with you, but I have to go to work. I'll try to get out early, and I'll bring you something for supper."

She sniffled and nodded. "Thank you, Mark. I'm sorry – you really don't have to do so much for me."

"Of course I do," he teased. "Who else would make me blueberry muffins every other week?" That made her smile. He stood but didn't let go of her hand. "I do have to go. I'll ask Dr. Sane to check on you later with Nova, too, OK?"

"Thanks. Sorry I keep crying."

"Honey, you were assaulted last night and then given a powerful narcotic. Stop apologizing for being emotional." He kissed her hand again and squeezed it before releasing it. "I'll see you tonight."

He left her regretfully, wondering at the difference 24 hours had made.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**May 22, 2202**

Carina reflected as she and Mark flew inland from the coast of Maine. They had arrived in DC on Monday night and had spent four days working with the air traffic controllers on the automated fleet. The training had gone well, and she and Mark were acting almost normal with each other. Almost.

He had stayed with her again last Friday night and most of the day Saturday, keeping an eye on her and making sure she took her medications, but she had slept through most of it. On Sunday she felt better, both physically and emotionally, and he had taken her to church and then come home with her to talk about their trip – he had planned out the training schedule without her while she was recovering, and wanted to run it by her. He'd seemed nervous now that she didn't need him to take care of her, acting like he was walking on eggshells with her. She knew they needed to have a rational discussion about the things they had fought over, but she hadn't been ready for it yet and they'd talked about very little other than work. He had mentioned, however, that he was planning to stay an extra day in America to fly up to Maine and take a look at the land where the Star Force officers' housing was being built. Wildstar was going to be home for a few days and he and Nova were going to visit the site on Sunday; Mark wanted to fly home Sunday morning, but had talked to Nova about meeting her and Wildstar for dinner on Saturday night somewhere on the coast. Carina was a little surprised when he invited her to come with him. She was even more surprised when he suggested they stop to visit her family on the way to Maine, but she agreed to both readily enough.

Things had still been a little awkward between them on Monday when they flew over – Carina thanked Mark profusely for everything he did, while he carefully avoided saying anything that might upset her – but over the course of the week they had relaxed. Having the soldiers with them from first thing in the morning until after dinner every night was helpful, especially at first. They acted as a buffer between Mark and Carina, relieving them of the tension they might have felt if they were spending more time alone together. Instead that time was limited to a few minutes in the morning, when he gently helped her apply makeup to cover the bruises that were still apparent on her face and neck and she helped him to hide his black eye, and their nightly private meetings to discuss the plan for the next day. As the week passed their friendship got back on solid ground; although earlier in the week they held their nightly meetings in the hotel bar, last night when they needed to put together a summary report they had spread their documents and computers on Carina's bed and ordered food and drinks from room service, working and lounging together comfortably for several hours. She had even hugged him when he left her, kissing him on the cheek somewhat shyly. It was the most contact they'd had since the night she'd been attacked, and he had seemed surprised but pleased by the gesture, holding her tightly for several seconds before saying goodnight. Still, they had avoided saying the things they needed to say to each other, which hovered like the elephant in the room, preventing them from being completely at ease with each other.

This morning had been pleasant – Carina had laughed and joked with Mark, excited to spend the day in her native New England. She had told her father that they'd be stopping by, and was surprised to find that he had invited her brothers, along with Richie's wife and Georgie's fiancée, for lunch. She had worried that Mark might be overwhelmed, but although he had been oddly jumpy all day, he had responded positively to the family, and especially to Katie, who had been thrilled to see him again. There had been only one questionable incident: Mark had been in the kitchen getting a glass of water when her brothers had looked at each other and followed him, not allowing her to join them. Mark had looked amused when he emerged from the kitchen, but he refused to tell her what the boys had said to him. She would get it out of him later.

After lunch they had continued to Maine and checked into a hotel on the beach, and were now on their way to the lake where Mark's house was going to be built. They were more relaxed together than they had been in weeks, but there was still something strange about his behavior. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but he seemed nervous – he kept tapping his fingers as though he was having trouble sitting still – and something in the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't paying attention was making her stomach feel funny. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation, but she wasn't quite sure what he was thinking and it made her a little nervous.

He was looking at her that way now, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "Do you want to tell me what you're thinking about?"

She found his tone of voice a little disconcerting, but smiled at him, determined not to ruin the good day they were having. "Just thinking about the week. I'm glad you invited me to see your land, Mark. This will be fun."

"I think so. And I'm glad you're happy. I hope you like the lake, Carina. I think it will remind you of home."

"You haven't seen it yourself yet, have you?"

"Not in person. We've seen pictures."

"Well, I hope you like it, too."

He smiled at her in a way that made her heart leap. She was beginning to suspect that she knew what was on his mind. Was she ready for it? Part of her felt like she'd been ready forever, but she still had lingering fears.

Anyway, there was no time to dwell on it now – they were arriving at their destination. Although there were no construction crews at the site on Saturday, guards were posted at the entrance to the land. When Mark showed them his ID, the enlisted men waved him through with a look of awe.

Carina smacked his arm. "You're world-famous. Who knew?"

He chuckled. "It has its advantages, but being a member of the Star Force is also a heavy responsibility. I'm glad I don't get the level of recognition that Wildstar gets. You know what the press is like with me – it's much worse for him. Every kid on the planet sees him as a hero."

"Well, you're _my_ hero." He looked at her intently and she felt herself blush. There she went again, speaking before she thought. She went on, embarrassed. "And Jordy's, and plenty of other kids', too. Remember, I've seen the amount of fan mail you get."

"Oh, I'm not jealous of the attention Wildstar gets, believe me. I want my life to be peaceful. Come on. Hop out and we'll take a walk." He parked the aircar at the top of a hill and they stretched their legs. The site was beautiful – the trees were sparse and young enough on the hill's downward slope that the spot offered a view of the lake, the mid-afternoon sun and the green trees on the far side mirrored on its calm blue surface. It was such a typically New England picture that Carina felt breathless. She stood staring at it for nearly a minute, becoming choked up. She hadn't seen anything like this since before the first planet bombs had hit.

"Oh..." Her voice was thick. "It _is_ just like home, Mark. I feel like I'm having a flashback to my childhood."

He had been watching her, an unreadable expression on his face, and now he blinked heavily and cleared his throat. "Would you like to walk in the woods? They've cleared and marked trails, from what I hear. We'd have to work at it to get lost. Come on." He put his hand on her back, guiding her toward the entrance to the trails. Her stomach fluttered nervously as she stepped closer to him and he slid his hand up to her neck, squeezing it quickly before letting go.

They walked for an hour or so, exploring the rocks and streams and expending their nervous energy, until Mark finally led her into another clearing in a relatively level area, about halfway down the hill from where they had parked, telling her this was where his house was to be built. It was already a lovely spot; she could imagine when the house was built and it was landscaped, it would be absolutely gorgeous. She had already planned out the best spots to plant perennial flowers and vegetables before she caught herself. Blushing slightly, she scanned the perimeter of the clearing and noticed another path entering the woods. "Where does that lead?" She asked.

Mark grinned and winked at her, and she again felt her stomach flip. "Follow it and find out." She grinned back and entered the wood.

This path was less groomed than the marked trails, but it was still fairly well cleared, and wound through a combination of fir trees and leafy elms and maples, their leaves bright green in the late spring sun. Carina smiled at the sight of the wildflowers that grew in the clearings – buttercups, wild clover and dandelions. Weeds, no doubt, but they were lovely proof that the Earth was healing itself, regenerating plants which not long ago had been feared to be lost forever. The thought calmed her, although she could feel Mark's eyes on her as she walked and wondered again whether she knew what was going through his mind.

After about a quarter of a mile, the path opened onto a small sandy stretch – several feet of beach led into a clear section of the lake. Reeds and cat-o'-nine tails grew in the shallows to each side, and Carina gazed out over the water, feeling strangely emotional. "Mark, it's perfect. I'm so happy for you." She looked at him over her shoulder, trying to keep her voice light. "And I'd better have an open invitation."

He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him, his expression serious. "Carina," he began haltingly, "I brought you here today… I wanted you to see this place… But I also wanted to talk to you. It's important to me that you're happy here, that you want to spend time here." A breeze came off the water and blew a strand of hair across her face; he reached out to brush it back. She closed her eyes as his fingers trailed across her cheek, sending electricity jolting through her. When she opened them he had stepped closer and was looking at her with an intensity that made her heart beat faster. "Carina," he said softly, "You know how I feel about you."

The familiar panic rose within her, fighting her desire, but weakly, a faint echo of its old self, more a habit than anything else. She could see that he was frightened, too, and sensed that his approaching her now was different than it had been in the past. This time it was all or nothing. She stepped away from him, trying to compose herself as she struggled to think of something to say. "Mark, I – I don't… We can't…" She looked at him pleadingly, but his expression had hardened. She was out of excuses, and they both knew it. He made a frustrated, angry sound as all the unresolved issues from the past month, which had been buried so shallowly this week, suddenly broke through to the surface.

"Damn it, Carina, Stop running away from me!" His voice was harsh, rough – he had never spoken to her that way, and it startled her. "There's nothing here for you to be afraid of!"

His anger fueled her own frustration and she squared off against him. "Nothing to be afraid of? Mark, do you _listen_ to the stories that I tell you? How can I not be afraid when I've seen girls torn apart, attempting suicide because their husbands decided they didn't want to live with women who couldn't give them babies? _Husbands_, Mark. The women in that group weren't high school kids who couldn't handle it when their boyfriends moved on. They took their vows seriously and had every reason to believe the men they loved did too. But they were wrong, because they were 'defective.'" Hot, bitter tears spilled over her cheeks as she spoke to him.

He clenched and unclenched his fists as he responded, sounding furious. "Don't you _ever_ tell me you believe I think you're 'defective.' You are not those women, and I am _not_ those men. How can I make you understand that? Do you really think I haven't thought this through? Carina, I've known about your situation almost as long as I've known you. Do you think it never occurred to me that I should work it out for myself before I… Before I _propositioned_ you? Why do you think it's taken me so long? No, Carina, unless you look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to be with me, I don't want to hear any more excuses. We belong together."

He was crying now, too, but she shook her head in an attempt to be strong. "You know I can't do that. But it's not… It's one thing to have fun and fool around for a while, but… We wouldn't be doing that, Mark. It's not just physical, what's between us. You know that. And for me to take your future away from you, and end up losing you because of it…" Her voice broke and she looked at the ground. "It wouldn't be fair to either one of us."

His voice was no longer angry, although it still held its edge of frustration. "How about letting _me_ decide what's fair to me? I'm not some pampered young kid, Carina. I've been to war. I've watched my friends die. Hell, I've died myself." She heard the dark humor in what he said and sniffled. He approached her, tilting her chin so that she was looking at him again, his voice softer and gentler as he brushed the tears from her cheek. "I've been agonizing over this for months, and the only conclusion I come to is that I don't care. _I don't care_. Having a child doesn't mean anything to me if I can't be with you. I've been through enough to know what's important to me. And the thing that's the most important to me is standing right here."

She offered one final, weak protest. "I just – it terrifies me, Mark. I think about the devastation on those girls' faces, and I freeze. Because if you ever leave me for someone else, someone who can give you –"

His lips silenced her in mid-sentence. His left hand was still on her cheek; she felt the fingers of his right twine in her hair, holding her face to his. His kiss was soft, gentle yet passionate, and she responded to it immediately, her arms winding around his waist. She felt the warmth of his breath mingling with her own as he whispered, "Never. There will _never_ be anyone else." After leaning in for another lingering kiss, so tender she felt that her heart might break, he slid one arm down her back and pulled her close to him, cradling her head to his neck, their tears mingling on her cheek as he showered her with light kisses. She clung tightly to him, overwhelmed. It was too late to turn back; instead of frightening her, she realized, the knowledge made her feel calm and happy. She nuzzled at his neck, pressing herself to him. "Oh, Carina," Mark said, his voice trembling with emotion, "I've wanted this for so long."

"Mmmm," she sighed, "so have I." As his fingers traced up and down her back, her heart filled with regret. "I'm sorry, Mark. I'm so sorry I fought you for so long."

"It doesn't matter, love. It doesn't matter anymore." He kissed the side of her head softly.

"It was because I was afraid. It was never because I didn't want to be with you. You know that, don't you? The truth is, I can't remember the last night I didn't dream of this moment." Looking in his eyes with a soft smile, she added, "It is real this time, right? It's not a dream?"

He gave a choked laugh and said, "God, I hope so," before pulling her into a longer, more urgent kiss. Yes, it was definitely real – her dreams couldn't compare to this. She felt her nerves dance as he trailed a line of kisses across her cheek and down her neck, carefully avoiding the still-tender bruised areas of her throat. He hadn't shaved that morning; the sensation of the stubble on his face rubbing against her sensitive skin sent a shiver up her spine, and when he gave a light, playful nip at her neck, she gasped and felt him smile into her shoulder. Nuzzling his ear, she breathed, "Oh, Mark… Please don't ever let go."

A low moan escaped from his throat and he whispered directly into her ear, making her shiver again. "I never will, my love. Never. I promise." He kissed her mouth deeply once more and the world disappeared. She had no idea how long they stood locked in each other's arms, kissing and whispering foolish things to each other, before he loosened his grip, taking a deep, shaky breath and kissing her forehead. "I think we'd better head for home."

"Oh, no… Can't we stay here forever?" She ran her hands up his chest and gave him her most plaintive look, but he simply chuckled.

"You trust me more than I trust myself, love."

She looked him blankly for a moment. When his meaning sank in she blushed and dropped her eyes. "You're the most honorable man I've ever met, Mark Venture. I trust you more than I trust _me_."

He smiled and kissed her forehead again, taking a step back. "Thank you, but at the moment I'm not so sure your trust is well-placed." He turned her around, running his hands down her arms, and she leaned back into his chest while they both waited for their breathing to steady. After a few contented seconds she pointed to the clearing at the top of the hill in front of them, where they had parked.

"Wildstar and Nova's house will be up there? The prime location?"

"Yes," he said, resting his cheek against the side of her forehead. He pointed off far to their left. "And Sandor's house will be over there, on the other side of ours." Realizing at the same time what he had said, they looked at each other. "I'm sorry," he stammered, blushing and rubbing the back of his head. "That was really inappropriate and premature. Pretend I didn't say it."

She spoke shyly. "No… it felt… right. True."

His eyes darkened and her heart beat faster again, but he gained control of himself and put his arm around her waist, kissing the top of her head as he led her back toward the aircar. "Come on. We'd better go _now_. Anyway, we need to get cleaned up before dinner."

She followed him reluctantly, knowing he was right but not wanting to leave this magical place. When they reached the car, she caught a glimpse of a gift Katie had given her – an apron she had made in her sewing class – on the back seat, and a thought occurred to her. Now was probably a good time to get information out of him. "Hey, what did my brothers say to you when you were in my father's kitchen?"

Mark chuckled. "What makes you think they said anything to me?" At her look he spoke again. "OK. They warned me that if I ever hurt you, I would have to answer to them." He took her hand. "I told them that if I ever hurt you, I'd have to answer to myself first, then they could have second crack at me."

Carina couldn't decide whether she should be annoyed with the boys for interfering in her life, or amused by the idea of the two bespectacled civilian engineers taking on a trained soldier who had recently knocked out a large space marine. She shook her head and made an exasperated sound. "Well, I guess you'd better never hurt me, then. It would be curtains for them."

He laughed and kissed her before taking off. "Never. Promise."

He grew quiet after that. Carina thought he seemed lost in thought. She rested her hand on his arm, hoping nothing was wrong. "You OK?"

He shot a glance at her and then nodded. "Yeah. Yes, very, _very_ OK," he amended with a smile, and she grinned. "I was just thinking. Carina, you know that I loved Trelaina, right?"

An alarm bell went off in her head. "Of course. And I loved Daniel. Mark, I would never ask you to forget her, or what she meant to you."

"No, I know that, love. That's not what I –" he fumbled for a moment. "What I'm trying to say is, I loved her very much, but what we have… It's _different_, somehow. Not that it's better or worse, but it feels… _Older_, maybe? More mature?" He glanced at her again. "Am I making any sense at all?"

She smiled. She knew exactly what he meant. "As a matter of fact, you are. I feel like I was so much younger and more innocent when I was with Daniel, even though he's been gone less than two years. Maybe… Maybe what we went through with them was meant to be a learning experience for us, to bring us closer. That doesn't take away from what we had with them, but maybe it adds to what we have with each other."

He let go of the aircar's controls long enough to bring her hand to his mouth and kiss it tenderly. "You never cease to amaze me, Cricket."

Blushing, she returned his hand to the car's control stick with a squeeze. "OK. Keep your eyes on the road – we're coming into town."

* * *

An hour and a half later, Mark walked down the hotel corridor to Carina's door. He'd somehow managed to get himself all worked up since they'd gotten back. What if she'd changed her mind, or worse, what if she'd only pretended to care for him so he would bring her back to the hotel? His rational mind knew how unlikely that was, but after all, Trelaina had joined him on the Argo only because she'd wanted him to return to his post. After he had gone to the bridge, she had escaped to Telezart without telling him. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility that Carina would tell him now that she only wanted to be his friend. She had certainly done it before.

Tapping his toes nervously, he knocked on her door. She opened it with a smile. "Hi! Come on in. I just need to find my good shoes – I'm not sure what I did with them." His brain took inventory of the situation. She didn't kiss him, even on the cheek, but at the same time, she was wearing… Well, if she wanted his attention, she certainly had it. A sun dress, he supposed it would be called, except that it was black and the low-cut bodice clung to her like a second skin. She slipped on a matching jacket, making the dress more appropriate for their dinner with Wildstar and Nova, then perched on the edge of the bed and fished her shoes out from under it.

He sat beside her, trying to keep his voice light, but he could it shake when he spoke. "So, no regrets, right? Haven't changed your mind about this afternoon?"

She gave him an odd look, as if she was about to make a joking reply, but her expression softened when she saw that he was serious. As she fastened her shoe, she spoke softly. "I told you – my only regret is that I pushed you away for so long." She curled her leg beneath her and turned to face him, putting her hand on his cheek. "I'm never going to change my mind, Mark. And I'm not going anywhere." It was almost like she read his thoughts. Which she might have. She usually did. "I'm going to be right here as long as you want me."

"I hope you mean that," he whispered, his mouth close to hers, "because I'm going to want you here forever."

"Forever sounds good to me." When she kissed him, he let his fingers wander up and through her hair. The scent of it combined with the warm scent of her skin, and he sighed deeply as he closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of her hands traveling over his back.

After what seemed like only a moment, she pulled back a few inches, running her finger over his bottom lip. "Much as I'd love to stay here, they're waiting for us. We'd better go."

Wildstar and Nova. Right. "Yeah. I turned in the rental car, so I ordered a cab before I came to your room." Mark shook his head to clear it and a thought occurred to him. "Oh. Carina, what do we tell them?"

He must have looked worried – she giggled as she stood, pulling him to his feet as well. "Sweetie, we won't need to tell them anything. I guarantee you that Nova will know what's up the moment she sees us. Derek might not, but Nova will fill him in."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm willing to put money on it. Come on, let's go."

* * *

She was right. As the maitre d' led them to their table, even though they weren't touching, Nova's face split into a huge grin and she jumped out of her seat. "Derek, I've got to go to the ladies' room. Carina, come with me?" Carina elbowed him in the ribs and threw him a _"told you so"_ smirk before joining Nova, smiling broadly. Mark joined Wildstar at the table and shook his hand.

"Good to see you back on Earth, Wildstar. How long are you home?"

"Just a couple of days, then back for another three months on patrol." Wildstar jerked his head toward the women. "What was that about?"

Mark chuckled. "Women have some kind of crazy psychic power. Carina and I are – well, I guess you'd say we've started dating. Carina said Nova would pick up on it right away." _Started dating_. It seemed like an awfully trite way of explaining their relationship, but Mark couldn't think of a better one.

Wildstar leaned back with a devilish grin, his hands behind his head. "So _that's_ it. I thought you looked less gloomy than usual when you walked in. It's about time."

"Hey, we're not all smooth operators like you. Remind me again when you and Nova are getting married?"

Derek was spared having to answer when Carina and Nova returned to the table. Nova pulled Mark to his feet, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek, while Wildstar shook hands with Carina and kissed her cheek as well. Nova beamed at Mark. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for both of you."

"Mmm-hmm. It's good news," Wildstar added with a nod.

"Guys." Mark was a little embarrassed as they sat down. "You're overdoing it."

"Seriously," Carina said. "This is technically our first date, and you're acting like he's already put the ring on my finger." She caught Mark's eye as she said it, and they both blushed. _Already_. He didn't think she'd intentionally used the word, which seemed to imply that she expected it at some point. Honestly, the idea wasn't too far from his mind, but Wildstar didn't need to know that. He was relieved when the waiter came to take their drink order.

Mark wouldn't remember many specifics of the meal. He knew that he and Carina kept grinning at each other, distracted, until Wildstar and Nova gave up trying to talk to them about anything serious or Earth Defense-related, and instead sat back to laugh at them as they rambled about how beautiful the lake was, what a wonderful day it had been and how delicious the meal was.

When they were ready for the check, Mark mentioned that he would ask the waiter to order a cab as well, but Nova shook her head. "We passed your hotel on the way to ours," she said. "They're practically next door to each other. The clerk at our front desk told us you could walk along the beach to get there from here. You should try that."

"That's not a bad idea, Nova," Wildstar said. "Why don't we walk with them? We can leave the car here overnight and –"

She interrupted him, putting a hand on his arm. "Derek, let's let them do it alone, all right? Maybe tomorrow night."

"Oh. Right. Sorry, guys." Wildstar chuckled as Mark and Carina glanced at each other and blushed again.

Nova laughed. "See, aren't you happier now that you're more than just friends?"

"I don't think we were ever just friends. Not really," Mark said. "Were we, Carina?"

She shook her head and put her hand on his knee. "Maybe those first few days, but that was it. By the end of that first week, I think I was hooked. It took a little while for me to admit it to myself, though. Neither one of us was ready for it at first."

"Well, your mother was ready, Mark. She started asking me about you the first time she saw the two of you together. She knew right away." Nova was smiling at them indulgently.

"Come on – everyone knew right away." Wildstar turned to Carina. "In all seriousness, Carina, we were so glad when you came into Venture's life. Everyone was very worried about him until you brought him back around. We knew then you were something special for him." Carina looked down, smiling, and Mark took her hand.

"Thanks, Wildstar. But again, guys, no ring on the finger yet." _Yet_. She had done it again. She waggled her left hand in front of them, obviously embarrassed. To get her out of the hot seat, Mark put his hand on her shoulder and flagged down the waiter for the check.

A few minutes later, they parted with more embarrassing hugs and congratulations from Nova, promising to meet for breakfast in the morning. Hopefully by then they would be a little less giddy and would be able to carry on a conversation. The host pointed them in the right direction, and Mark and Carina headed off down the beach.

It was a warm evening, and as soon as they hit the soft sand, Carina took off her shoes and draped her jacket over her arm. Mark also removed his pea coat, allowing his eyes to rake over her figure as he did so. "Have I mentioned… that dress?" he teased, taking in the amount of skin she was showing.

She smiled coyly at him. "There might be a slight possibility that I was prepared to play the wanton seductress this week, if I'd worked up the courage. Turned out I didn't have to."

"Too bad," he sighed, lacing his fingers through hers and kissing the side of her head before leading her toward the hotel. "I think I would have enjoyed that."

As they walked along silently, Mark could feel his nerves humming. Eventually they reached an undeveloped spot on the beach, hidden from the lights of both the restaurant and the hotel. The moon was reflected on the ocean, the low waves shimmering silver. When Carina stopped to take in the sight, he dropped his coat on the beach and moved his hands to her waist, his heart beating wildly.

"What a perfect night. I don't think I've walked on the beach at night in – what – thirteen years? I'm glad we decided to come this way." Her voice was quiet, breathy.

Mark swept her long hair over her left shoulder, trailing his fingers over her neck. "I'm glad, too." His breathing was becoming shallow.

As he ran his fingertips up and down her sides, he could feel her tremble. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" The words were barely a whisper.

She was talking about the moon, or possibly the water, but from where Mark stood, nothing compared to the shimmer of her skin in the moonlight, so pale that it practically glowed when contrasted with the black of her dress. He bent his head to nuzzle at her ear. "So beautiful," he whispered hoarsely, his lips landing on her ear before moving lightly down her neck. A small sound like a whimper escaped from her throat as she reached up to wrap her fingers in his hair and turned her head to kiss him. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and when she tentatively traced her tongue across his lip, heat exploded through his body. With a groan he turned her to face him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He slid the tip of his tongue into her mouth; she met it with hers and the sensation and taste, hot, moist and sweet, set his head reeling. He couldn't think straight – all he knew was that he wanted to be closer to her, to feel her beneath him. She didn't protest as he pulled her to the ground to sit beside him, instead melting into him while his hand traced a path down her face and arm, over her hips and to her bare calf. Her skin was soft and silky, warming as he stroked it. He had reached for his pea coat so they would have a place to lay their heads when suddenly:

"Mark…"

His stomach dropped and he froze, inhaling deeply, his eyes closed and his jaw set. He had heard that tone once too often. When he was sure he could control his voice, he opened his eyes and put his hands on her shoulders. "If you tell me we can't do this because it might damage our friendship, I'm going to throw myself on my sword." She put her hand on his cheek, smiling.

"First of all? You don't have a sword. Second? If I _ever_ say that again, you have my full permission to run me through with your sword before you throw yourself on it." She kissed him and he felt himself relax. "But before we get carried away… or… _more_ carried away… I want to be up front with you. I mean, I feel like maybe we've talked about this at some point, but I'm not completely sure whether it was an actual conversation we had or one that took place in my head, so I think we'd better have it now."

Although he was amused by the idea that she had conversations with him in her head, he could tell that she was nervous and decided not to tease her about it. Instead, he kissed her forehead. "What is it, love?"

She looked uncomfortable. "It's just that… I love you, Mark, so much, and it would be so easy to just let go and run with those feelings. I don't think I've ever wanted it more. " So far he didn't see the problem. Stroking his lower lip with her thumb, she continued. "But… I've always believed that sex belongs within marriage, in a permanent committed relationship." She added nervously, "I hope that's OK with you."

Was that all? He smiled, relieved. "So you and Daniel never…" She shook her head but wouldn't meet his gaze. He stroked her hair gently. "Carina. I will _never_ ask you to do anything you're not comfortable doing. And you're right – we have talked about this. Do you remember one night when I was still in the hospital, I ran off at the mouth a little? I told you I believed that if you love someone, sex can wait until marriage, and if you don't, it's not even an option. Remember? That hasn't changed." The idea that they may someday be each other's "one and only" made him love her even more. He leaned over and kissed her nose. "Not that I don't want to. Very much. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't."

As he spoke, she relaxed into him. "So you haven't… With Trelaina, or someone else?"

"Never." He felt a twinge of unease as he answered her. He had occasionally taken flak for his beliefs when he was at the Academy, and he didn't want her to laugh at him. "I know it's strange…"

"No," she interrupted. "I'm glad." She kissed him again, her voice softening. "I wouldn't want it any other way. Is that selfish?"

"We'll be selfish about it together, OK?" He spoke into her mouth, putting his arms around her. "You just tell me when you want me to stop." She murmured an assent, and their kisses deepened as their hands began a slow exploration of each other's bodies, in some ways so familiar but suddenly so new. This time she leaned back willingly as he guided her to the ground. He positioned his chest on top of hers, keeping his hips and legs carefully to the side, and began to lose himself in her. Something she said had lodged in his brain, though. "Hey," he teased, drawing a ragged breath, "did I hear you say you love me?"

"Maybe," she retorted breathlessly. "I'm a little put off because I didn't get a response."

"Do you even need me to say it?" He ran his fingers through her hair. "I love you, Carina Clark. I love you."

Her eyes burned as she pulled his head to hers. "And I love you, Mark Venture."

* * *

Sometime later he lay on his back, cradling her head against his shoulder. Her fingers were tracing lazy patterns on his chest, a habit of hers he found pleasantly distracting. He didn't know what time it was, but the moon had climbed much higher in the sky. It was dark enough on the beach that the stars were visible by the thousands. Looking up at them, he watched an Earth Defense ship fly over. It occurred to him how precarious this moment was. Earth could be attacked without warning at any time. He suddenly felt an overwhelming need to protect her and pulled her closer to him. "It looks so peaceful, doesn't it? It's difficult to fathom, but an enemy could launch from any one of those stars and destroy all of this tomorrow."

"Wow. Kissing me did wonders for your mood." She sounded a little put out. He gave her a squeeze.

"It made me realize that I have a lot more to lose today than I had yesterday." He kissed the top of her head tenderly. "It would kill me if anything happened to you."

She snuggled into his side. "I know. I dread the day you get called into battle again – I pray every night that it never happens." After a few silent minutes she stretched, looking up at the moon, then at her watch. "I think we'd better head back. It's after midnight, and we have to be up early tomorrow."

"Yeah." Reluctantly he sat up, took her hands and pulled her up as well. They gathered their things and walked slowly toward the hotel, arms around each other. He wasn't particularly surprised when, after the intensity of the day, her off-beat sense of humor kicked back in.

"So… Do you think I'm a big tramp for making out with you on our first date?"

He chuckled. "I think you're… surprisingly uninhibited. Not that I'm complaining," he hastened to add. He had always suspected she would be a passionate lover, but he didn't think anything would have prepared him for her… _enthusiasm_. Although their behavior had been quite chaste, really – their clothing was barely even rumpled – she had responded to his lips and hands in a way he hadn't allowed himself to hope for. He teased her. "And I was originally planning to spread the word around Earth Defense about you, yes, but then I figured this was closer to our hundredth date than our first. You made me wait six months, which makes you less of a floozy."

She considered that, trying not to laugh at his chosen word. "True. I wouldn't have behaved so abominably with anyone else, you know. And actually, if I'm being honest, I had a little crush on you when we had those math and astronomy seminar classes together at the Academy. So technically it's been more like six years."

"Wait – really?" This was news. "I thought you were pretty cute, too, you know. Too bad I didn't have the nerve to talk to you. We could have saved ourselves a lot of time and heartache."

They had reached the hotel and climbed the stairs to her room. "I think it's sweeter this way, don't you? Everything we went through – it made us who we are. It's why we fit so well." She turned to him with her sweetest smile, resting her hands on his chest. "Here we are. I'd invite you in, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea."

"No, you're right about that," he murmured. "I'll see you first thing in the morning." He kissed her gently.

"Mmmmm." She slipped her arms around his neck. "So if you don't think I'm a floozy after what we did tonight, does that mean we can do it again tomorrow?"

He laughed out loud. "You're the best girlfriend _ever_." Kissing her one more time, he let her go. "Good night, Carina. I love you."

"I love you too. Good night." He felt her eyes follow him as he retreated to his own room, but didn't look back. After showering he fell into bed, exhausted but happier, he thought, than he had ever been. She loved him – it seemed she loved him as much as he loved her. They were together, and they would belong to each other forever. He was sure of that. He offered up a prayer of deepest gratitude as he drifted off into a heavy, peaceful sleep.


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**May 23, 2202**

**0330 hours**

In two separate hotel rooms on the New England coast, two people dreamed simultaneously.

"_Trelaina,"_ the man in the first room said, _"I wouldn't have hurt you for the world. I loved you. Part of me always will."_

"_I know that, my darling. But our time together was not meant to last. It was not possible – our worlds, our paths were very different."_ The woman Trelaina's voice was pitched impossibly high. She was surrounded by a golden aura, as though she was lit from inside. She touched the man's shoulder. _"You must not grieve for me, Mark. I am at peace, united with my family. Your peace lies with Carina. With her you have the chance for a long life brimming with love and happiness."_

"_Thank you, Trelaina. And you will always be a part of that happiness."_

* * *

Down the hall, the woman was teary-eyed in her sleep. _"I'm sorry, Daniel. I never expected to fall in love again, but –"_

"_Don't apologize. I never expected you to be alone for the rest of your life. And Venture is a good man – if I could have hand-picked anyone on Earth for you, it would have been him. He will love you and take care of you for the rest of his life."_

"_I believe he will."_ She blushed happily. _"But I don't want you to be unhappy."_

"_I couldn't be happier than I am, believe me. And I'm happy for you…"_

* * *

Trelaina nodded. _"But Mark, I must warn you. A day will come when you will have to make an important choice. Try to remember that this decision will affect not only you, but those you love and those who love you as well. Your fate is not written in stone – you have the power to change it."_

"_My fate? Trelaina, what are you talking about?"_

"_I cannot tell you more. But think of her above all other things, and you will be happy for many years."_

* * *

"…_But Carina, you need to know that this love carries great responsibility. You have more than the power to make him happy. You have the power to save him."_

"_To save him? Save him from what? He's a far better fighter than I could ever be."_

"_That's true."_ He smiled at her. _"But one day he'll have a decision to make. Your love can give him the emotional strength to change his destiny – to choose life over duty."_

"_His destiny? You're not making any sense. What –"_

"_I'm not allowed to explain it to you. Carina, just give him the love he deserves and you'll have nothing to worry about. You'll grow old together in a happiness that few people have experienced."_

* * *

The man and the woman both awoke, confused, but soon drifted back into their peaceful sleep. By morning the dreams had left them completely, save for a vague idea that their love was more important for both of them than they had imagined, and the sense that those they had lost were happy with them.


End file.
